I’m not usually a quitter but by the end of the day yesterday that’s exactly where I was…ready to quit!
I woke up yesterday morning to the sound of my alarm at 6 am. I was exhausted from a long night of tossing and turning and my heart had been racing all night.
I have been having an irregular heartbeat on and off for a couple of weeks now and during these episodes my heart beats erratically and I get light headed. Sometimes feel like I’m going to pass out. I really haven’t been feeling very well at all lately and the racing was really starting to frighten me a whole lot. Last week I had lab testing done by my doctor and now I was going to see her for my lab results and so she could check me out some more.
Other than the crazy heartbeat it was a pretty routine morning of me getting ready to leave the house but then suddenly as I was walking down the hall my knee just seemed to come out from under me sending me face first into the floor.
Ten minutes later I sat on my couch with ice bags on my face and both knees assessing the damage… I had a bloody nose, a small cut inside my top lip, a very swollen top lip and nose, a massive headache and both knees hurting and beginning to swell. Thankfully though I had no major injuries.
A couple of hours later I made it my doctor’s appointment where I received the news that my heart isn’t getting enough oxygen to my body and that I am diabetic and my blood pressure is high.
I left the doctor’s office as the owner of a new diet, a prescription for high blood pressure medicine, and an order to turn in for my very own heart monitor :'(
So like I said in the beginning of this post… I am not usually a quitter but by the end of the day yesterday that’s exactly where I was.
Ready to quit…
I felt like I needed a break from the day, or maybe it was the world. Either way all I wanted to do was crawl in my bed, close my eyes, and hide under the covers forever. I seem to be having an overabundance of hard stuff anymore. I usually try my best to keep my head up and look to the good stuff, but today it was hard to see through the tears. I don’t mean to sound like I am complaining… seriously there is a whole lot that is good in my life…But…I do have to say though that in the middle of all that good stuff there also seems to be one hard thing right after another. When one thing stops it seems like something else always starts up. I’ve had one illness right after another for almost 5 years now. People around me are sick too and a whole lot of stuff is always happening in my family. If this is just a season it’s been way too long of a season and I’m ready to get on with a new one. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve passed through the storm and came out on the other side only to see the sun quickly being covered by another cloud.
Last night I think I may have finally hit my breaking point, crawled under the covers put my headphones on and lay there listening to Pandora hoping to fall asleep.
I heard two songs, both had words that just seemed picked out perfectly for me.
Praise you in This Storm and Eye of the Storm
I think not.
After hearing those songs I felt at peace and went right to sleep. I finally got some rest last night and I woke up today in a way better mood.
Life isn’t always easy; the truth is sometimes it’s just plain hard.
I still have the same problems this morning when I woke up that I went to sleep with.
But I am so glad I got up and faced the day today, because today things seemed to not be as bad as they felt when I went to sleep last night.
I felt at peace and now I can see all that is good again.
Actually today was a really good day.
Oh and by the way since the fall yesterday I have not had any irregular heartbeats. When the doctor was checking me out yesterday and I told her that since I had fallen it hadn’t happened anymore she said that it is actually possible that the adrenaline rush shocked my heart back into a regular rhythm… Sounds crazy but its been over 24 hours and so far so good! Thank you God!
Before you leave today check out this song by Ryan Stevenson – Eye of the Storm