This Place

This place is dark and barren

When I visit here I thirst

For love

For affection

Though I seek you every day

Sometimes I still find myself


In this place




And weak

Can anyone see past this mask of smile I wear?

Do they know?

I am restless?

I am yearning for more?

You know…

Please come today

I lay my burden at your feet

Show me

Guide me

Take away the longing

The wanting

The empty

Quench my thirst

I praise you

As I wait

For you to take away this place

Differences of Opinion With the Same Destination

Since the first day I started writing this blog I have ran into a lot of different opinions about blogging and how blogging should and should not be done, my blog has fit into both of these categories.

The day I published my first post I received my first opinion.  It was not even a live person who gave the opinion; it was the publishing area of the blogsite.  When I hit the publish button to send off my post wordpress congratulated me on a job well done.  From that moment on with every post I make I get a pop up message from wordpress that says “congratulations you have reached post number such and such!”  Which makes me want to pat pat pat myself on the back….(insert eye roll here) Of course I really don’t pat myself on the back but it makes me laugh and wonder why I deserved a congratulations for posting lots of posts.

I have also heard that it is good etiquette to make sure I always reply back when someone comments on my blog.  Does everyone really go back to see if I reply back to them?  I do not go back to check on comments I have made on other people’s blogs nor do I expect a reply back.  Most of the time I do reply back to those who comment on my posts though I do have a life outside of the blogging world so sometimes it may be days that I am not on the blogsite to even know someone has commented.  I never set out to hurt any feelings or not have good etiquette.

We all as people, including myself, seem to have an opinion about anything and everything, some of us being more opinionated than others.  We as bloggers are sharing our opinions with anyone who cares to read them. Let us also not forget the  little comment box that encourages other bloggers to leave their opinions or for those who do not want to comment there is a “like” button.  I wonder why they did not bother with a “dislike”  button?   Isn’t that a scary thought?  having a bunch of gravatars lined up at the bottom of the screen with the words ’25 people disliked your post you should go on over to their site and see what they have written’ 🙂

Because my blog deals a lot with faith type topics and a lot of my readers come from different church denominations and cultures I know that others will not always agree with me or with those who leave a comment on my posts.   I do not claim to be an authority and know that I am not always right.  I am just trying to share here what Jesus has done for me.   Only God is the one who knows who is wrong or right.  There are more important things to do than argue about our differences of opinion.  The more I get to know God the more I know that if I am in the wrong sooner or later He will show me the error of my ways.

Some readers and writers may be newer Christians or maybe still searching for Jesus.  Not all of us have known Him our whole lives.  There was a time in my life that I did not believe in God. Eventually God showed me he was real in watching my father in law die.  You can click this link to read the story if you would like to read it… The Journey Begins.  At that time in my life I was bull headed, stuck in my ways and had a lot of my own opinions about life and how I thought it should be lived.  At that same time in my life I also met a person who was a Christian who was different than any Christian I had ever met.  This person became my friend never looking down on me.  I was allowed to ask all sorts of endless questions and I was always answered with patience and kindness. I was never made to feel embarrassed about what I did not know.  I was shown God in a gentle way never feeling force fed or overwhelmed with information.  Instead of spending time arguing and telling me how I had it all wrong I was shown by their actions that God was all right.  God’s perfect love was shown to me in that person’s kindness and actions.

For us Christians that have not always known Jesus, from the moment we accept him as our savior we head down a new path in life which to be honest can be quite scary at first.  We all stumble, we all fall, He catches us and helps us pick ourselves back up again, dusting us off usually having taught us something new along the way.  He never gives up on us and keeps leading and teaching us more and more as we go along on our journey.

As Christians God gave us the job of spreading and planting seeds to be watered, but only God can make them grow.   We are like flowers in the garden; different kinds of flowers take different amounts of water.  In the heat of the Summer Vinca only need small amounts of water to grow into beautiful plants.  If you give a Vinca too much water they will drown and wither away.  Impatiens are just the opposite, they require a lot of water to flourish in the heat of the summer or they will wither away.  So what is good to help one flower grow may not work for another.  God created each flower to be unique just as he created each of us to be unique.

I guess I am just trying to say here is even here on the blogs where opinions are encouraged we should show others the same grace that God has shown us.   We should show God’s kindness, patience and love.  We never know where someone has been or where they are at right now in their walk with Jesus.  We all may walk a little differently or choose a different path to get there, but we all have the same common final destination in the end.

Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

Romans 12:10   Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

Thank you for reading and God bless you 🙂

Time With God

I have a routine, each and every morning I get up and go sit in my favorite chair where I can see the sun coming up.  During this time I meet with God.

For the past week my husband has been home from work.  I sure do enjoy his company but the problem is he is the earliest of early birds there is.

Somehow he always manages to get out of bed way before me.  I will get out of bed and he will already be out of bed right there in my favorite room of the house with his computer on doing what ever it is he does on that thing at the crack of dawn. The television will be blaring and he seems quite happy and content to stay right in that spot for several hours.

I have tried to get up earlier than him but he also has great ears and will never sleep late.   Today I got up before the sun came up and I snuck around being very quiet so as not to wake him so that I could have my visit with God before he got out of bed. It was just lovely outside so I had the outside door open.  Everything was perfect and new looking from the rain the night before and I could hear the birds singing.

I was sitting there in my favorite chair where I usually meet with God listening to the birds sing.  I was about 2 lines into my reading then I heard my husband’s feet hit the floor.  A few seconds later I saw him come walking into the room, go over to the door I had open and shut it.   He mumbled something about the humidity being 96 percent today as he proceeded to turn on the television.  So much for my quiet time with Jesus!

Don’t get me wrong when I tell you these things,  I love my husband dearly and I love seeing his smiling face in the morning but we each have our own way we start the day and I need my God time to start my day or I turn into the whining person who’s blog you are reading right now.   If I do not start my day off on the right foot I am hard to get along with and stay pretty cranky most of the day.

After a little small talk with my husband I got myself ready, told my husband good bye and headed for a shopping trip with a good friend of mine which it looked as if I was going to be late for.  I was rushing to get out on the road and just as I started to pull out of my subdivision a truck came down the road pulling right in front of me and he proceeded to drive about 30 miles per hour.  Not having my God time I am sure you can imagine how this added to my crankiness!

My next private place I have for time alone with God is usually the car.  I was not feeling very close to God today even in the car.  I tried singing along to the radio and wondering where was God today as I got more and more aggravated at my slow driving friend.

Finally! My slow driving friend pulled off on another street and I had the whole road to myself, I was free!  I hit the gas and turned up the radio.  It just so happened was playing a song that I do not really care for but the words hit me and I decided “gosh I need to sing along”.. so I started singing…

I will worship with all of my heart
I will praise You with all of my strength
I will seek You all of my days
And I will follow all of Your ways

I will give You all my worship
I will give You all of my praise
You alone I long to worship
You alone are worthy of my praise

I will bow down and hail You as King
I will serve You, give You everything
I will lift up my eyes to Your throne
I will trust You, I will trust You alone

I will worship, I will bow down
I will give You all my praise

The name of that song is – You’re Worthy Of My Praise,  by Big Daddy Weave and Barlow Girl

Just as the song ended I said out loud, “God where are you today?” Just as the words were out of my mouth a baby deer ran out in front of my car and just stopped in the middle of the road.  He just stood there calmly looking at me.  I had to slam on my brakes all the while he just stands there so pretty in the middle of the road oblivious to the fact he is within and inch of dying.  I barley managed to get the car stopped.  Once the car was stopped I noticed he was so beautiful.  I could see his big brown sweet kind eyes looking back at me.  Then slowly as if he had not a care and all the time in the world he scampered off into the woods, his beautiful little white spotted coat gleaming in the sunshine.

At that moment I realized THAT was God!  I had asked Him where he was and He had just shown me!  He had never left he had been there all morning long showing himself to me.  I just had been so angry and self absorbed that I could not see Him.  He had to stop me in my tracks by throwing something in my path, forcing me to stop.  He had shown me His beauty in that precious baby deer.

I found a place to pull off the road, and had my time with God then went on with my day.  It got much better after that 🙂

God never seems to stop amazing me at how he works. He is always faithful always true.  Though sometimes I am bull headed and blind thankfully He loves me anyway

Psalm 104:24 How many are your works, Lord! In wisdom you made them all;  the earth is full of your creatures.

Psalm 104:33-34 I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.  May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.

Thank you for Reading and God Bless you 🙂

Here is the video for the song I mentioned sorry about the advertisement I think you can skip it.

His Arms

This morning I was taking care of my grandson who is 14 months old. Today I learned a lesson from that sweet little baby.  This is how it went…

Mason is normally a happy little guy but today he got upset, for what I could not even begin to tell you because I still do not know myself.  He was playing one minute and the next he was getting a bit whiney which eventually turned into a full out temper tantrum.

I tried everything I could think of to make him happy but no matter what I tried he would not stop crying.  It did not matter what I said or what I did he would not stop.  I tried giving him a drink, a cookie, carrying him around, checked his diaper, and gave him toys.  The list goes on and on of things I tried, all the while his crying became louder and louder with him and me becoming more and more frustrated.

Finally after all avenues where fully exhausted I scooped him up and sat down with him in my lap.  I wrapped my arms around him tight.  At first this angered him and he began to scream louder but I keep holding him close and began to rock him.   I then took my finger and brushed a tear from his face as I did that he began to calm a bit.   I continued to hold him close in my arms rocking him and gently brushing my finger down the side of his sweet little face. During this time he began gazing into my eyes. In a matter of seconds he calmed.   We continued to rock and he continued looking me in the eyes and as I looked into his.

There is something mesmerizing about looking into a baby’s eyes. I always wonder what they are thinking about.  They are so full of innocence and trust at that age.  Nothing from the world has touched their minds yet and they have all the security they need just laying in someone’s arms.

As we rocked his little eye lids began to slowly close and his little body relaxed as he drifted off to sleep.  As I was holding him a strong urge to pray came over me so as we rocked I began to pray.  I have never prayed with a baby in my arms.  I felt so very close to him and to God.  It was a very special moment I will never forget.   My praying lasted for about 15 or 20 minutes.

Just as I finished my prayer my sweet precious boy opened his eyes.  His big beautiful blue eyes lit up when he saw me as he smiled a HUGE ‘I love you Grandma Smile’ at me which just melted my heart as it always does.  He then sat up and climbed off my lap his whatever he was crying about completely forgotten.  He then started toddling around the room full of happiness.  As far as he was concerned all was right in his world again.

I thought about this all day and I realized the way my grandson behaved is the same way I behave with God.

When I get upset with what is going on in my life I have been known to act quite childish at times.  Maybe I won’t throw a temper tantrum but it is very well known that I do know how to throw an awesome pity party.  During those times Jesus is always there trying to pull me onto his lap and comfort me.   I am sometimes quite stubborn thinking I’m strong enough to take care of my problems all on my own.  Just like my grandson I will keep fighting him off, getting myself more and more frustrated.

But also like my grandson I will inevitably come to the end of my rope.  This is where Jesus will pick me up, pull me into his lap and put his protecting arms around me.  He then brushes the tears away from my cheek as He holds me and rocks me gently.  He will hold me in his lap until I calm, until I feel safe and secure, surrendering to his unfailing love and finally resting.  Also like my grandson after I spend time in his lap I can smile and climb out and go on knowing Jesus is still close by.  He is right here with me always, never leaving me, always protecting me.

Lesson learned 🙂

 Psalm 32:7  You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

 Psalm 91:1-2  He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.

Psalm 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Thanks for reading and God bless you 🙂

A Game of Cat and Mouse

Mr. KB

Mr. KB

The night before last I woke up at midnight to the feeling that I had a mouse on my back.  I dived out off the bed as fast as I could.  As I was waking up I saw both of my cats sitting on my bed looking at me as if they thought I had lost my mind.  My husband reassured me that I was just having a dream and convinced me to come back to bed.  I do tend to sleep walk, talk and yell out in my sleep quite often so I didn’t think too much more of it and went right back to sleep.

The next morning just as I woke up a friend called.  As I was talking to her on the phone I got out of bed and started down the hall to the kitchen. Just as I stepped out of my bedroom I saw a mouse running down the hall with both of my cats on his tail. Having no time to react I froze and the mouse ran across my foot and I began some sort of howling dancing screaming run leap jump to the center of my bed.  All the while my friend was listening to this on the phone and laughing, my poor cats ran the other way in fright and the mouse went in another bedroom and hid under the bed.  I have never seen a mouse in my house in the whole 12 years I have lived in it so it did not take to long for the horrifying image of the mouse dream I had had the night before to cross my mind.  What are the chances that I would dream I had a mouse on my back and the very next morning see a mouse in my house?  It was no coincidence, I now knew it had to be true…. those cats had brought that mouse up in my bed during the night to play with it. Yuk!

I realize now that was the beginning of not a dream but a real live nightmare.   I knew which room the mouse had went into so I duct taped the bottom of the door so he could not get out and headed to the store to buy mouse traps.  I came home placed 2 traps in the room and duct taped him back into the room.  The next morning I checked the traps and found them empty.  All day long I saw no sign of the mouse and my cats were acting very strange.  Bart our big fraidy cat would not go near the bedroom door of the room the mouse had went in and the brave cat Mr. KB decided that he would run around all day long meowing and pacing.  Finally I went to Home Depot and bought a few more mouse traps then came home put them out and opened the door to the room  I set 5 traps total.  I still never saw the mouse again and by this time was getting pretty frustrated because I wanted the mouse gone by bedtime.  I did not want to have another long night lying awake worrying that I would have a mouse in my bed again.

By the evening I was beginning tell myself that maybe the mouse must have escaped out of my house and was gone.  I was desperately trying convince myself it was true and possibly I was beginning to believe it.

Life went on as usual around my house that evening and I was busy doing other things so I finally forgot about the mouse for a while.  I finished up my evening and decided it was time for bed.  As I was heading down the hall to my bedroom I notice something gross. There sitting in the bedroom doorway was my cat, Mr. KB and along side of him was the mouse laying there… dead.  Mr. KB was meowing as if to say I have a present for you.  I told him he was my hero then I yelled for my husband to do the dirty work of disposing of the dead mouse :D.

Today I was thinking about this whole thing and I am not sure why but I began to think about God and how he does things in his time and not ours.  Just as with the Cat and the mouse, when I tried to take the mouse situation into my own hands nothing happened but when I left it alone my cat took care of it for me.   In my life I am always trying to fix things myself instead of waiting for God.   I am finding when I let it alone and quit trying to fix something I know nothing about God comes in and takes care of it for me.  It’s not always the way I would envision that it would be done, but always done and in a much better way than I would have expected it to turn out.  Though this happens to me quite often it still always takes me by surprise just as the mouse took me by surprise.  I always seem to be walking along and all the sudden I happen upon it to realize it’s already been taken care of.  Just like the cat had the situation with the mouse under control, God always has the situations of my life under control.  I just need to be patient and let things happen the way he intends for them to happen, in his time not mine.

 Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord;he turned to me and heard my cry

Isaiah 40:31– but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.



Spiders, Airplanes and Fear

This week has been a week of revelation and great joy for me.  A lot of things have been learned these past few days. First thing I would like to say is as I am writing this I am on my way home from a 3 night visit to my favorite place in the world, Jamaica.  I am at 38,000 feet in the air on an airplane without my seat belt on and there is a lot of turbulence at the moment.  I never go with out the seat belt and especially not on a flight with turbulence.  Though I am a travel agent I am extremely afraid to fly.   But for the first time in my life I am not afraid and I finally realize that God is in control of this plane and of my life.

This vacation started with me going to bed on Tuesday night to try to get some sleep knowing I had an early flight to catch the next morning.   As I was just settling down to sleep I looked up and happened to notice on the wall behind my bed my number one biggest fear in the world, a spider. Gosh I do not like spiders.  I think they are absolutely the most creepiest creatures I have ever seen.  Those long creepy legs send goose bumps up and down my spine.  I can not hardly even bare to look at them.  

Upon trying to smash the spider he dropped to the floor still very much alive and proceeded to crawl around behind the headboard of my bed.  I waited impatiently for him to come out all the while keeping my eye on him watching him crawl up an down the wall never quite coming close enough from behind the safety of the headboard so I could kill him. It was almost as if he knew I was there and was messing with me.  He would come out and as I would try to hit him then he would run.  Then to my horror on my last attempted to smash him he went behind the wall trim never to be found again, my worst nightmare!  What was I going to do?  There was no possible way I could sleep with a spider on the loose in my bedroom and so close to my bed!   I just knew if I dare close my eyes for one second he would come creeping out and climb into bed with me.  I decided that was the end of my sleeping for the night and in frustration I laid down at the bottom of the bed so I could keep a close eye on the wall trim where he had magically disappeared to.
As I was laying there watching the trim,  I thought of something my friend Judy had said to me one day about praying for spider grace.  I was planning to go on a mission trip with her next Winter and was told a story of spiders that they had encountered on a previous mission trip. I had told her how I was worried about spiders being there for this one and said I did not think I would be able to take lots of spiders very well.  She had then said to me we will pray for you to have spider grace.  I never really had thought about her saying that again since.  I am not going on that trip now and by the way not because of spiders. That is another long story I may put here one day but not today.  This story is plenty long enough

Anyway… as I was laying there watching for Mr. Spider to come back out I thought about spider grace… I wondered what that could be…but thought maybe now would be a good time to find out so I began to pray. I know that may sound weird to you but I prayed to God to please give me spider grace.  I do not sleep well and on a normal night without any spiders I would have had a hard time sleeping anyway but about 2 minutes into my prayer the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was morning! Spider grace…wow God had given me spider grace! I had just managed to sleep through my worst fear and was getting ready to face my next biggest fear…flying.  If God could get me through spiders I knew flying would be a breeze.

We arrived at the airport and found that the plane was full.  We were flying charter so you get your seats when you arrive at the ticket counter.  We were given 2 seats across the isle from each other.  I ended up with sitting with a couple of which the man was afraid to fly. So at least I had company.  We talked about our fear of flying and it actually seemed quite odd hearing another persons reasoning as to why they are afraid to fly.  That conversation seemed to take my mind off of my own fear a bit.   I do not like take off at all and do not like landing to much more other than it means I am going to be safely back on the ground soon.

I will have to admit at take off I was afraid but I did know that Jesus was with me holding my hand.  I am not afraid of dying but I do have to admit I do not want to fall out of the sky and think about hitting the ground on my way to Heaven.  As we were shooting up into the sky and the fear was building all the sudden I found myself feeling peaceful as if He were whispering to me “its ok I got this” and he did have it.  The rest of the flight I was great. We even ended up in the sky about an hour longer than expected because we had to go around a storm in the gulf.   We landed in Jamaica safe and sound.

The first thing I saw when we left the airport was the slum area.  As always it tugged at my heart making me wonder how it is possible that such poverty can sit on one right there in the middle of a tropical paradise overlooking the dark blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.  Shortly after passing that we arrived at our luxurious resort.  I thought to myself, why has God chosen for me to be on vacation here and those who live here are in such need?   While I was there in Jamaica I found my self finding hidden treasure everywhere the whole time I was there.  I found treasure in small animals such as birds and crabs, flowers and of course the ocean.  I always feel closest to God when I am by the ocean.  I think it’s because when I see it I realize his awesome power.  Did you ever think about how we are floating on a ball through space and we don’t fall off and the water does not pour off? How could there not be God?

The next morning my husband and I noticed a couple who had been on the plane with us coming in with their suitcases leaving the resort.  We talked to each other about them wondering what had happened and why they had cut their vacation short. Did they not like the resort? Did something happen at home?  We later forgot all about them but  then the next afternoon we saw them at the resort again.   Again we talked about them.  We wondered why they left with suitcases and then came back?  They were like a mystery couple.  Again we forgot all about them and continued with our vacation.

Now to today, we missed our shuttle ride to the airport because they had changed the pick up time and we did not know it.  We had to get a taxi to the airport.  Because we were flying charter we did not have assigned seats on the plane and we were last in line.  When we got up to the counter we found out that there were only 2 seats left on the plane that we could have and they were not together.  I did not want to ride away from my husband so asked about the preferred seating.  I was told they had 2 seats not together but across the isle from each other and they were only $20 a piece so we decided to buy them.  With those seats you also get special perks.  One of them being, you get to board the plane before everyone else.

When we began to board I was close to the front of the line to being first on the plane and guess who got pulled for a full search? Ya, you guessed it, ME!   They went through my suitcase, my purse and checked my pockets.  They also gave me a full body pat down while everyone else in line got to go right by me and get on the plane, so much for my getting on the plane first perk.   It was not really my best day so far as you can tell but I do get to sit in the front of the plane and across the isle from my husband so that is a blessing.  As I got on the plane I silently prayed to God?”  Could you please let me sit by someone nice on the plane?”

I entered the plane, had a hard time finding a place to put my carry on because by now the bins were full, but finally I arrived at my seat.   Imagine my shock when I realized of all the people on that plane my seat mates are the mystery couple we had noticed at the resort 🙂  Nobody can tell me that God did not fully orchestrate this whole seating arrangement.

We began to chat and immediately I discovered that I really like these people.   They are so full of Jesus and joy its spilling over into my seat.  They won their vacation from a local radio station but of the 2 full days they had for vacation they chose to bring in supplies for the needy and they spent one whole day going around giving them out.  They visited schools, clinics and homes giving out clothing, school supplies and toiletries.  They are full of stories and just bubbling with joy left over from their visits.

**The captain just illuminated the seat belt sign so much for writing this seat beltless and the turbulence is really rough now. Have to put away my kindle, we will be landing in about a half and hour so will finish this at home on the ground.

Safely on the ground now and its Sunday… hopefully I can remember where I was going with this and finish it up, its no longer a blog its a book lol

During the plane ride home, after talking to my seat mates for a while I listened to music while I read. even slept and of course wrote half this blog.  The plane ride had a lot of rough turbulence that day.  I don’t remember being upset at all even found it kind of fun.  I found out after we got home there was a tropical storm in the gulf that we were going around.  We landed about an hour late again.  I was talking to my Dawn my neighbor again after I had to put away the kindle and quit writing.  A funny thing happened that day.  I was so busy talking to her we landed and I realized I did not pay to much attention that we were landing.  I looked around when we were on the ground and said “oh my gosh!  we landed?” to my husband.   If you have ever flown with me you know I do not miss landings because I am usually digging my nails into my palms of my hands as I close my eyes.

This next thing I am going to tell you is a secret I have been keeping for a while. Most people do not know this about me.  In the past I had used alcohol as a way to escape my problems or to numb pain or fear.  I have never been one to drink on the job or drink and drive or do anything to get myself in to trouble, but alcohol was my drug of choice when needing something to turn to for comfort.  Flying is one of those occasions where I would drink so as not to be afraid. Every bit of turbulence I would have pushed the call button and asked for more wine.

Before this trip I prayed to God to please lead me and show me what his plan is for me. I know it was not an accident I ended up sitting next to those people on the plane.   I also know for a fact his plan for me is mission work and I know I am already involved in it a tiny bit and who knows where its going to end up going.  I can not wait to find out!  I’m sure there will be lots more turbulence and maybe spiders (lol this is so long I forgot I started with spiders) but I am not scared I am excited.  I also know that his plan does not include alcohol to distort my view along the way because it does not give me peace and makes me not be the person I am supposed to be.  Something else I discovered these past few days is that on a plane is not the only place I have found turbulence.  My life has been kind of like a plane ride.  Most days I am flying along smoothly and happy.  But then there are those days I hit a few small bumps but then I recover pretty fast and do not even notice.  Then there are other days that I hit a really rough patch and bounce all over the place trying to get my self back on a smooth path and find I need a call button.  Do I push the call button and ask for wine?  No way! I have the ultimate call button now.  I have a direct call button to God.  I do not need wine because I have Jesus he comes and takes my order, takes my hand, calming me.  Just like on a plane turbulence is always expected.  It won’t ever fully go away and the same is true with my life.   I can chose to be afraid and numb it up with some alcohol or I can truly find real peace knowing He is there helping me to me relax and enjoy the ride.

I have one more thing to add to this, along with the preferred seating I mentioned it came with perks.  One of those perks was I was given ticket vouchers for 2 free alcoholic beverages of my choice I chose a cranberry apple drink and did NOT put the vodka in it.  It was not needed God is all I need 🙂

2 Timothy 1:7   For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

John 14:27   Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Thanks for reading and God Bless you 🙂

Cleaning Out The Closet

I am not one who normally likes to get rid of stuff.  I hang on to everything because think I may need it someday or because it has sentimental value.  Lately I have realized that all the stuff I have been collecting for the past 25 years has been bogging me down so recently I have been cleaning things out.  Today I cleaned out my bedroom closet.  Over the past few years I have been many sizes.  My weight has fluctuated up and down a lot.  When I first started gaining weight I would save the skinny clothes just in case I got skinny again.   I would then lose weight and save the bigger clothes just in case I would gain back the weight and need them again too.   The next thing I knew its 25 years later and my closet was overflowing with clothes.  I am not sure how it happened because it happened so gradual that I never really noticed that it was getting way out of control.  I do have to admit my closet could have probably been on one of those hoarder shows on the HGTV channel.
In the past I would try to clean out my closet about once a year but never really could manage to remove much stuff out of it.  Mostly I think I just straightened stuff up or moved things to storage boxes.  But not today, today I truly cleaned out my closet.  I started with the skinny clothes.  The first thing I noticed is if I really ever to become a size 7 again will I really wear puffy sleeves or zippered legged pants?  I really don’t think so unless the 80’s roll around again and if they would I am not sure I am ready to put on something that looks so uncomfortable as tight legged pants.  What was I thinking back then?  Next were the sweaters.  Big giant bulky cow necked sweaters, really do I need all that bulk dragging  me down?  The large clothes were next to go.  I just do not need all that extra weight pulling me down and wrecking my health anymore.  Shoes were next, gosh, do I have a lot of shoes! I got rid of the scuffed and un-shiny ones first and then the shoes that did not fit anymore.  I am not sure why,  but my feet have grown a whole size over the past 20 years.  I had shoes to go with every outfit that I had just took out of the closet anyway.  I do think maybe I could be a shoe-aholic if there is a such a thing.  Nobody needs as many shoes as I had.  I am not really sure when or how I managed to accumulate so much junk in one little bitty closet.

As I was cleaning out my closet I began thinking about my life.  I realized that lately my life has been like cleaning out my closet.  As I cleaned it was kinda like walking through my life. I saw things that brought me back to different time periods, times that are over now.  I have moved on in my life now leaving the past behind.    A few years ago to everyone else I seemed to have it all together but really I was a sad lonely woman.  I had everything I could ever want but not everything I needed.  I knew I needed something but never could find it.  I was always striving for something.  I tried to find it in my job, I was always thinking if I could just make it as this or that I would be happy or if I made more money I would be happy.  I would go shopping and by lots of clothes because I thought new clothes would made me happy.

About two years ago I found what it was that I needed.  It was Jesus.  When I accepted Jesus into my life I did not know it at the time but he was going to be helping me clean out my life and that would eventually lead to great joy.  Today as I was cleaning I realized that cleaning out my life is kinda like cleaning out my closet.  In my life I had a lot of stuff lying around from the past that needed to be gotten rid of.  Thankfully I had Jesus to help me clean it out.

When I first met Jesus I thought I had my life all together but the more I got to know him the more he began changing me.  Like the closet things inside were to crowded and had began to become overflowed with a bunch of stuff that I did not really need anymore.  I had way to much clutter which left no room for anything new.  Gradually piece by piece he began to help me go through the stuff finding what did not fit anymore and tossing it away.  He began removing the old junk, junk such as my bad habits and lying.  He also helped remove the bulky junk that was in the way and wasted a lot of my time, things  that were stopping me from doing what was important.   Next he tossed out the old stuff from the past, stuff that only weighed me down.  He showed me how to forgive and move past it.  Then like the shoes, the shoes that were not shiny, instead of tossing me like I did the shoes he began to polish me, making me shiny and new,  He helped me by getting rid of the dirt and the grim I felt inside.  He began to open my eyes to the world around me  by helping me remove the piles of junk so I could truly see.   I have always had a life full of blessings and now I can see them.  The clutter is gone and I am free.

John 8:36  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Thanks for reading and God bless you 🙂


What’s the Plan?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Today has been a hard day for me.  The vision is getting worse and the worse it becomes the faster the panic attacks come.  I am now fully blurry with patches missing in my right eye and I am seeing a slight haze in the left eye now too.   I am not sure which is worse the vision loss or the panic that comes at me out of no where.

I just I wish I knew what the plan was.  I am trying to be patient and wait but waiting is not one of my strong points.  I keep questioning God as to what is his plan for me.  I feel so confused as to why would I have the miracle of my eyesight back fully only to start losing it all over again?  I keep trying to make sense of it all.   Looking at God’s beauty has always been a past time of mine.  I love to look at stuff, I am a people watcher and nature lover.   I also see Him everywhere I look. I can be in a terrible mood and walk out my front door and see a flower blooming or fluffy clouds in the sky and feel His peace begin to fill me within seconds.

Today I was planting flowers in my yard and I noticed a bird chirping very loudly.  I looked up to see the bird but the tree leaves looked like green blobs to me so finding the bird was defiantly out of the question.  Instead of looking for the bird went back to my planting listening to him chirp.  The more I listened the sound began to bring me back to my childhood I remember I used to love to read in the yard with the sounds of nature all around me.  I had forgotten as an adult  that as a child I used to love listening to the different sounds different types of birds make.  I used to give them names and make up stories in my head of what they were talking about.  Today as I listened to that bird chirp another bird began chirping on the other side of the yard.  A few minutes later more birds started chirping as if they were all having a conversation back and forth across the yard.  Today I found myself wondering…  Were they talking?  If so what were they talking about?  Maybe they were singing.  Could they be singing about what a lovely day God made today? The breeze was slightly blowing.  The temperature was perfect.  I could smell the smell of spring in the air. I could smell the flowers I was planting; I also could smell fresh cut grass.  I got so caught up in the wonderful feeling of spring that I don’t know I really needed to see it after all.  I am not saying I can not see, because I can still see, though things are pretty blurry now.  But what I did today was I saw things in a whole new way today.  Could that be Gods newest plan, to help me notice ALL of His beauty he has created. To see not only with my eyes but with all of my senses, and also my heart?  One thing I have found out through trial and error is that I can not even begin guess what God has planned.  The human in me is always looking for an answer and trying to be in control.  Today he gently reminded me that I am not the one who is in control, He is.  I know He is God, He can do anything.  I just have to trust him. why wouldn’t I?   He has proven to me time and time again that he will take care of me.  All I have to do is keep hanging on to Jesus and he will give me the peace I need to make it through.

When I look back on my experiences of last year when I was losing my vision I can see now what the plan was and it was a good plan.  I am pretty sure that a year from now I will look back on this experience and see something big was in the works.   A few months back I wrote a story titled “I was blind but now I see” about my experience with the vision loss.  In that story I wrote-  “If you asked me today would I go blind again? I would say YES.  It has been a year today since this all started and it has been one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life.”   Did I write that??  Yes I did.  Am going blind?  Hopefully not but if I do I plan on fully recovering and I am ready now to try to bravely stand up with Jesus by my side and let him work out his plan.  Last time this happened I did finally come to a peaceful place.  I am not fully there to that place yet but I do know that without Jesus I would be in a lot worse place than I am now.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Patience and the Automated Phone System

Earlier today I found myself on the phone with an estimated wait time of 5 minutes or less.  It had already taken me only about 5 minutes to get to the 5 minute waiting point.  I had done what we are all familiar with…called the phone number pushed the right prompt to be prompted with more prompts then finally getting to the place I thought I was supposed to be only to be asked for my access code… access code? I have and access code??   I ignored the access code prompt 3 times and held my breath hoping the system would not hang up on me.  Oh the joy I felt when a recording said “we are sorry there seems to be a problem we are sending you to someone who can help you” Yeah!  A live person!!  I hear the familiar clicks, a ring, then another click and I am told I have an estimated wait time of 5 minutes.  I tried to be patient; I put my phone on speaker phone and worked on something else while I waited. There was a friendly recorded voice on the other end telling me over and over again all the wonderful things that the company had to offer me.  ”Why not have more employees to answer the phone?” I muttered to myself, nobody could hear me I was being patient… wasn’t I?  After about 4 and a half minutes I noticed the friendly recorded voice I had been sarcastically talking back to was suddenly silent.  Holding my breath I peaked at my phone, just as I suspected… I had been disconnected…

In the Bible it says in Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Wow is that hard to do. In my home when no one can see me do I really have to have patience?  Who’s it going to hurt?  Nobody will know…right?  WRONG, God still sees me.  He knows everything I do.  I still see me and I know everything I do.  Would Jesus act like I did on the phone?  Would he talk to the recorded voice on the phone sarcastically like I did? I know it seems minor in the scope of things but really that tiny bit of impatience got my blood pumping for at least 20 minutes.

How many times have I found myself getting all the red lights when I am late for work or behind the lady with 6 kids spread out all over the place in front of me in the store?  What could I have done to have more patience or what may I have missed while I was steaming?  During those times at the red light I could have been checking out the beautiful sunset.  In the store I could have been noticing the cute little child laughing as she was skipping along without a care in the world.  As far as the phone I can not think of anything I could have been enjoying more than maybe a real live person on the other end taking care of me immediately with no prompts and no holds. But it’s really not all about me is it?   And that is where the patience part comes in.  I think maybe I could try to be patient just a tiny bit harder or actually a whole lot harder.  When I am patient it really does make for a better day.  I know I will never be perfect, but  the more I walk with Jesus by my side  the more often I  catch myself when I am not behaving patiently.  I am so glad Jesus has patience with me 🙂

1 Timothy 1:16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.