I know many of you may be feeling really out of sorts right now. I’ve personally been a mix of so many emotions that it’s really hard for me to even begin to put things into words. I’m sure you have had many of the same feelings as me.
Worry over what this virus could cause to happen with your finances and health of not only yourself but also that of your family and friends is very real right now and can be very overwhelming.
Life is hard right now – But no matter what we have to keep looking up. In the middle of what doesn’t feel so good, we still have to try our best to keep our eyes fixed on what IS good- even if it has to be on a day by day or even moment by moment basis.
Live each day inside of itself and let tomorrow stay right where it is inside of tomorrow.
Just for today – let’s keep rejoicing in all that is good in this world.
Rejoice in the goodness of people.
Rejoice in the goodness of not our physical things, but the things that matter to us most, like our families and our friends.
Let us rejoice in God and the fact that through it all he is and always will be here with us.
And He IS GOOD!
God is so much more than any of us can ever begin to fathom and He knows what’s happening in the world right now and when this is all over we will see a victory and I’m pretty sure we will be better than we were before the virus all started.
When I turned on my radio this morning “See a Victory” by Elevation Worship was playing. As I was singing along the words made me realize I can now see all the victories I’ve had in my life that at the time seemed almost impossible to ever have a good outcome. I hope you have time to listen and also I hope you can find peace today and know that when this is over we will all see a victory!
Help bring more smiles to these Kiddo’s faces by shopping with AmazonSmile this Christmas.
Did you know you can shop and Amazon and at the same time help children in need?
It’s so easy!
All you have to do is add the word ‘smile.’ in front of the normal Amazon web address, (smile.amazon.com), choose Compassion International as your charity, do your normal Christmas shopping, and then when you are finished shopping Amazon will donate 0.5% of your purchase to Compassion!
I leaned down to pick up what I thought was trash on the floor.
“Even when we are struggling God can still use us” were the words written on the paper.
Struggling
Lately that’s all I seem to be doing.
I can’t look at the screen as I type this, or it will send me into a swirling mess. Like I’m stuck on a merry-go-round. I also now have a Heavy head, with brain fog, and a lot of anxiety.
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.
I never know when I will be sick. I could be fine and then 5 minutes later I’m in a fog.
I could be sick for a few minutes, hours, or all day.
I keep praying for God to take this away, but it hasn’t happened yet.
The only change is things just keep getting worse and I’ve found out I am a failure at staying in an MRI machine.
3 doctors to just be sent right back where I started to my general practitioner was really upsetting.
On Monday I was told I needed to see a neurologist or maybe even a psychiatrist wow now I’m not the only one who thinks I am crazy.
I started with the neurologists my GP gave me, Doctor ‘Quackquack’ and the one who’s supposed to be awesome. I didn’t call Dr. Quackquack. My call to Dr. Awesome’s office was met by voicemail telling me to leave my name and number and they would call me back.
They didn’t call.
I tried to find more neurologists in my area but only could find pediatric neurologists.
I felt so hopeless.
Hopelessness isn’t something I usually feel. It’s a pretty foreign feeling for me and I can’t tell you how much I really hate the feeling
But then on Wednesday God gave me something that totally brought my hope back.
Dr. Awesome’s name had kept coming up all week and that day I kept feeling this urge to try to call him again. So I did call him again and this time someone answered the phone! She said there were no appointments available until March…
Feeling defeated I started to hang up while saying a prayer in my head, “God please I need your help with this!” I kid you not, the next words out of her mouth were – “you need to be seen right away, can you be here tomorrow morning at 8:45?”
Fast forward – the doctor was really great and we now have a partial diagnosis, brain stem migraines with aura. Even though I don’t feel the pain from the migraines, I still feel the effects of them. He told me I am NOT crazy, and that no physiatrist is needed and that what I am feeling is real. He also said I do have to get that MRI though, so we can see what the reason is for the migraines. He also told me the migraines are brought on by things like screens from phones, computers, lighting, sounds…. pretty much all of my normal life stuff. He gave me a prescription for a medication that will hopefully help stop them from happening. I should know if it works by the end of next week.
Yesterday was a better day, but then last night I had nightmares all night. I woke up this morning feeling as if a dark cloud is hanging over me. It’s like no matter how many times I feel up this just keeps knocking me down. I wanted to stay in bed but I forced myself to get up.
No matter what I gotta keep getting up.
It’s been really hard to keep going when it’s the normal activities in my life that are making me sick. I can’t watch TV, or be anywhere with fluorescent or LED lighting, or those new energy efficient light bulbs. We changed all the lightbulbs in our house. TV I try to just listen but forget and find myself looking at the screen. I can’t get on my tablet for games. Texting has pretty much become a thing of the past unless it’s a quick one. The sounds that bother me are weird. Things like soft sounds, like clicking or change jingling or certain voices. I had to give up my job for now because I can’t do it because Its pretty much all computer work.
The good in all of this is if I stay away from all of those things, I feel pretty okay. So now I am doing things to occupy my time that actually are more meaningful than hanging out on Facebook (sorry Facebook). I actually talk to people on the phone or in person now. If I walk or exercise, I actually feel normal which is kinda strange. So now I walk and walk and walk.
Maybe all of this is my wakeup call to get back in shape and actually do life the old-fashioned way.
The thing that bugs me the most in all of this is I work in a church. I have known since I began the job that God put me there so why is this stuff happening that makes me have to not work there? I realized last week when I stepped away to get well that for now that is really what he wants me to do. Step away and get well. For a long time now, I have known that God wants me back at this blog and a few other things but I never had much time before the write the blog, but now with no job and no other things to distract me I have a lot of time to write. BUT – I can’t look at the computer screen now. Plus, I’m really not sure what to write about. I feel as if I have words, but most are hard for me to share publically.
I started writing this today because of the paper I found on the floor reminded me “Even when we are struggling God can still use us.” I have no idea when I wrote that. It was just written on the back of an old grocery list and laying on the floor like trash, waiting right where God left it for me to find today. So as I sit here with my eyes closed typing this story (yes they are closed) I realize that right now in my life the struggle is real but God still can use me. I really don’t get why it always comes back to this blog but God wants me to do it so guess if you are reading this then I did it. I won’t be editing the mistakes though.
I hope if you are struggling today with anything you know that God is real and he is right there with you during your struggle too. Take the moments you have and make the best of them and let God use you during them.
It may not make sense but do it anyway.
Since I was a child I have always stuck to the motto ‘where there is a will there is a way’. with that being said remember this – If you have the will but its still hard do, do it anyway. Even if you have to close your eyes. God is with you even in the struggle and he will help you. You may get knocked down but no matter what you gotta keep getting back up.
Speaking of time flying by, sometimes I think its good to slow down not only during the moments we have right now but also to slow down and take a look back at how far we have come. I find it amazing at how things that once were hard have actually helped me to become the more secure in who I am today. Today before I share the song I want to share something I wrote in August of 2014.
Before we get started here is a little background on what was going on the day I wrote it –I was on vacation in Mexico and had suddenly discovered a black hole directly in the center of my vision in one of my eyes. At that time I also already had a blind spot in my other eye that hadn’t been very noticeable with both eyes open. Now with blindness in both eyes, I was in a full-blown panic. I was laying in a beach chair beside the ocean, real live storm clouds looming over the water but a larger storm was going on inside my mind. I could not bear to open my eyes because I didn’t want to see the blind spots. In the middle of it all God spoke peace to me.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the peace of God and how he can totally give peace in the middle of some of our hardest moments in life. This was one of my hardest moments and God made it peaceful. Sometimes in life we really can’t do anything about our situation except give it to God.
Okay so much for sharing an old blog post I seem to not be able to stop typing and it now looks as if I am writing a new one…
Here is the post form Aug. 2014…
I Still See
The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.
I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.
The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.
Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind
Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.
The beauty…you are so big you created this
I feel so small right now,
I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.
I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.
The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.
Even if what we are praying for isn’t seeming to end, our hope is still in Jesus. He will always be there for us and with Him we can move on. Even in the middle of the storm we can always find Jesus right beside us.
Thanks so much for coming by the blog today, I hope in some way what I’ve shared can inspire you or help you to find the peace you are looking for. Jesus is the only answer I really know of for perfect peace inside and I hope if that is what you are looking for you will know him too. If you want more info about knowing Jesus you can click -> here.
The first time I heard this song was this past fall while working the Compassion table at a Tenth Avenue North concert. The minute I heard it I loved it so much and I couldn’t get the words out of my head.
Though I didn’t really realize it at the time, a major surgery, the death of my brother, and another surgery happening in the near future had me really out of sorts physically and emotionally.
For the next several months the song became like my theme song.
There were times when the physical and emotional pain became quite overwhelming. But every time I began to feel like I couldn’t take anymore this song would come on the radio and suddenly I would be singing it to God.
I have this hope In the depth of my soul In the flood or the fire You’re with me and You won’t let go (lyrics by Tenth Avenue North)
As I would sing the words, I could feel his presence and the reassurance that he was right beside me through it all.
I have heard people say during hard times to cling to God, and I have done so. But how comforting it is to know that he is also holding on to me.
As I cross through the valley of the shadows you never leave me to cross alone.
You are by my side with each step,
holding me steady,
helping me make my way through the shadow days.
You are a lamp burning bright,
my guiding light that I must always keep in sight.
You are my strength,
my comfort,
the breath in my lungs.
The only way I can ever make it through is when I walk with you.
You are my refuge,
Great are You Lord.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me to liedown in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. Psalm 23
I was sitting on a beach enjoying the sunshine when suddenly the clouds that had been puffy white suddenly turned an odd shade of brown and started going together into a long roll. I stopped what I was doing and stood up watching, mesmerized as they rolled quickly across the sky coming to a stop over the water.
The clouds kept getting bigger and bigger and they started dipping down close to the water. The people around me started to panic and someone said, “oh my God it’s a tornado!” and then everyone started running.
Everyone was screaming and running but I couldn’t move because my feet were suddenly frozen to the ground. Everyone around me was panicking but I wasn’t scared at all. It was like I had this feeling of peace and a knowing that I was safe and I just stood there watching the clouds.
Chaos was everywhere and then in an instant it was if the world around me just stopped. All the people were all standing frozen in place now and there was no wind or rain to go along with the darkness. The ocean waves had stopped leaving the surface of the water still and dark black like a giant pool of ink. It felt as if the air went silent too. It was so quiet I imagine this is what deafness must feel like.
I should have been scared but I wasn’t scared at all. It was like the hush I felt around me was also inside of me filling me to the depths of my entire soul with a perfect feeling of peace.
Suddenly out of the deafness there came a loud clap of thunder and the clouds began parting with rays of the most magnificent beams of bright light I’d ever seen shining through them and then a giant hand came out of the opening in the sky. The hand came down just above the water and opened turning palm upward. It began moving closer to us with beautiful colored light shining all around it.
Someone shouted, “it’s the hand of God!” By then I was already crying and feeling in awe of his presence because I knew those words were true…Yes! This was the hand of God! So many feelings were going through me now, feelings of joy and love and an unexplainable feeling of peace like I have never known. The hand moved around as if offering itself to all who wanted to grasp it but nobody moved. After a while it went back up into the clouds and the sky immediately went back to normal.
I was wrecked, falling to my knees to pray thinking those around me would join in…but it didn’t happen. Instead, the people just went back to their business as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It was as if nobody even cared what they had just been a part of.
I turned to a woman standing next to me and said, “wow the hand of…” but she cut me off and said, “the hand of God, ya right, who cares!” and then she rolled her eyes!
God’s hand had been there, right in front of us, offering for each one of us to just reach out and take what he had to offer. It couldn’t possibly be true that nobody cared! They were all right there so close to being in in the palm of his hand, how they could pass that up it just made no sense!!! I started crying….
And then I woke up.
It had only been a dream!
Even though it was only a dream my heart was still pounding and I felt sick to my stomach and my face was wet with tears because I had been crying in my sleep.
I know it was only a dream but it felt so real!
It’s been a day and a half and I still can’t shake it that dream. In the dream, it made me sad that God was right in front of us in such a spectacular display and nobody cared and nobody would take what he had to offer. This has me thinking about how there used to be a time in my life that God’s hand was right in front of my face and I didn’t see it. I also have to admit that there are still some days that go by and I miss him.
Years ago I didn’t see him because I didn’t want to see Him. I used to think he wasn’t real and now it’s hard for me to believe that I could have ever felt that way. How could I have gotten up in the morning to see a sunrise and never wonder how something so magnificent could have gotten there? How could I have had 3 children and never once questioned how something so perfect as a newborn baby could have formed without help from something more than just magically happening? I could go on but I know you know what I mean… flowers, animals, air, water, LIFE. It’s all because of Him.
God is real and God is always here in each and every second of every day. We may not see him as a big giant hand reaching out of the sky like in my dream but He is all around us in each and every single thing in each and every single day.
I don’t want to miss him, and I don’t want anyone to miss what he has to offer!
Open my eyes Lord.
Open our eyes, let us see your hand reaching out to us!
I know to someone who doesn’t believe in Him this may sound strange. I know because I have been there. I used to live my life without God in it. I also remember a time in my life that I felt that I was too bad and that there was no way he could ever want or love me. But that wasn’t true and even though I totally gave up on him and also on myself, he still never gave up on me. He has shown me time and time again that he wants me, and now that he is in my life He has been right here holding my hand for every single step I take. If you are reading this and in need of a hand to help lift you up, all you have to do is want Him in your life. Just tell him you want him and then grab on to his hand. He sent Jesus to save us and all we have to do is ask him in and he will come.
It’s truly that simple.
If He is what you want and you don’t know what to say, you can say this prayer – Dear Jesus, I know you are the son of God, I know you came for me, I know you died for me. I ask you to come into my life right now. I ask you to forgive me for my sin because I want to make a fresh start. I want to live the rest of my life with you and for you. Amen
If you said that prayer for the first time or maybe you are just deciding to come back from a separation of some sort, know that now he has you in the palm of his hand. If you are there you will never be alone.
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:15-26
Why is it that whenever God gives me a job to do I always allow myself to get all worked up into a frenzy?
My biggest fear in the world is speaking in public.
Tomorrow is Compassion Sunday at my church and in order to present the kids waiting for sponsors I am going to have to speak in public.
Last week I was feeling excited for the opportunity to share these children with my church and was not feeling nervous at all.
But then Wednesday afternoon the child packets arrived…
Suddenly things felt different.
Suddenly I felt a huge responsibility to those children.
Within a matter of an hour of receiving the packets I began feeling nervous. By that evening, I began rethinking what I had planned to say in church on Sunday. I soon began writing down a plan and I began practicing what I was going to say over and over. Before I realized what was happening I had myself so worked up that each time I practiced, instead of getting better at what I was going to say I began to get worse.
Yesterday I thought about it some more, changed my presentation again, settled on what I thought was my finished product a few more times, and then finally ended up going to bed very late last night feeling sick to my stomach and panicky at the thought of speaking in front of the church on Sunday.
HELLO social anxiety!
Did youforgot that you don’t live here anymore??!
After a restless night, I woke up this morning with God’s voice in my head saying, “stop worrying about what YOU can’t do and instead, remember what I CAN do!”
Suddenly I realized that I just needed to chill out and I needed to give this worry to God! Nothing here has changed except I seemed to have forgotten God is the one who is in charge of all this.
I have already been in this place way too many times in the past so ya think I would have known the drill by now.
So like I have done every time I set out to talk in public, I took out a piece of paper and wrote on it the words, ‘I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.‘ I threw all my extra notes in the trash and put it all back into his hands.
Tomorrow instead of a bunch of notes in my hand I will hold his words as a reminder.
From this day forward when it comes to the God stuff, I have to remembernot to spend my time thinking about what I should be spending my time praying about!
Update… Somehow I forgot to push publish on this post last night so figure I may as well finish the story with what happened today.
So I went to bed last night in peace and then woke up this morning with this crazy notion in my head that because we already have so many child sponsors in our church most likely we would not have many kids sponsored today. Yep, you guessed it I was already thinking way too much again! Thankfully I caught myself and went for a drive before church and prayed.
God set me straight and I arrived at church excited and knowing in my heart that God was going to make something big happen today. Sure enough, I soon found myself with a front row seat watching as another one of his amazing stories began being played out before me!
From our worship pastor starting us off speaking his own sponsorship story to our pastor’s Compassion tailored sermon everything went great. It wasn’t about any of us presenting the story today as much as it was about God uniting his children with one another.
27 children received new sponsors today but also at the same time 27 sponsors also received new children.
Many blessings are in the making for all those involved I’m sure.
There was never any need to be nervous or worry.
No need to second guess.
Just show up is all that was required … because just like He always does, God also showed up in a mighty big way in our church today!
If you would like more information about sponsoring a child or Compassion Sunday visit www.compassionsunday.com or contact me through the contact link at the top of this page.
Recently Christy and I were serving with a local Christian-based ministry to the homeless, Churches on the Streets, in downtown St. Louis. The ministry provides clean clothes, a nutritious meal, and hygiene necessities in a friendly, loving atmosphere. Volunteers spend time talking with and spending time with people who are often viewed and treated as if they have no value and their lives don’t matter. Most importantly, the homeless are shown they do have value in God’s eyes, Jesus does love them, and He has not forgotten them.
Toward the end of the evening, a nicely dressed, middle-aged couple walked through the area. As they approached me, I made eye contact with the lady and smiled. As she passed, she grabbed me by the arm and angrily said, “You know you’re not helping these people. All you’re doing is enabling them. You’re not helping them at all!”
Since that evening, we’ve been thinking about what the lady said and if it’s true.
Does providing food, clothing, blankets, hygiene products, and the love of Christ encourage homelessness? If Churches on the Streets stopped providing essential life services to the homeless would they get jobs, pay taxes, buy homes, and become model citizens? If we stopped serving the homeless, would homelessness be eliminated?
Many of the homeless we encounter are veterans. Some are mentally ill. Some are convicted criminals or drug and alcohol abusers. Some have made horrible, life changing decisions which spiraled out of control and put them on a path to homelessness. All are God’s children.
The fact is, not one of the people we serve has ever said, “Because of you, we don’t have to get jobs or pay a mortgage.” Not one has ever said, “Because of you, we’re able to live freely on the streets with no responsibilities.” Not one has ever said, “Because of you we’re able to live with no worries or concerns.”
As Christians, our call is to show the love of Christ in such a manner that it points others to Him. We’re to be the hands and feet of Christ in a lost and hurting world. James 2:15-16 says this about faith: “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?” God’s love comes with no qualifiers, no limit, and no warning label indicating its overuse may lead to homelessness.
So after several days of reflection what did I conclude? I was able to conclude that Christy and I are both enablers. I concluded we’re teaching our sons to be enablers also. Many of our friends and the people we serve with at Churches on the Streets are enablers as well.
No, we’re not enabling men and women to remain homeless. We are enabling them to have at least one nutritious meal on Thursday. We’re enabling them to have clean clothes, a warm blanket, and hygiene at least one day a week. Most importantly, for at least a couple of hours a week, we’re enabling them to feel valued as human beings and to experience the unlimited, unequivocal, and unashamed love of God!
I am an enabler!
What you just read is my friend Walt Streicher’s Facebook post from a few days ago. It’s a very powerful message wouldn’t you agree?
Every since I read it I’ve spent a whole lot of time thinking about the things he said and this morning I knew this message was one that needed to be shared. So with Walt’s permission, I’ve shared it with you today.
I have also decided that I too want to be an enabler!
How about you? Do you want to be an enabler? Or are you already an enabler?
Does it feel like life has been knocking your down a lot lately?
Does if feel some days as if one blow right after another is being thrown at you to the point that you’ve been knocked around so much you can’t tell which direction is up or down anymore?
Does if feel like every time you think life is finally good again… BAM… a blow hits you out of nowhere.
You know that each time you’ve been knocked down you’ve always managed to get back up, but then one day there was the blow that knocked you down so far that now you are feeling as if you could never ever manage to get back up ever again.
Maybe you’ve tried really hard to get up but no matter how hard you’ve tried you just feel stuck to the ground. Blow after blow has caused you to want to give in to the pain you feel inside and now you’re ready to just give up because it’s just too hard to get back up even one more time.
I’ve been there and I’m guessing that pretty much anyone who is reading this has been to this point during some time in their life.
I want to tell you, you can not stay down. You have to get back up! This life is not over yet and I can promise you that anything you are going through today, one day you will look back on it and realize that you did have so much more good life to live… and you will be thankful to be living in that brand new moment of your life.
You can’t afford not to get back up and miss the life God has in store for you.
This one moment in time is not the only moment in time you will ever have and there are a whole lot of brighter days in store for you.
The day Jesus was put on the cross he was accused, ridiculed, and beaten down to the lowest of lows. But He is no longer on that cross today. Instead he was lifted up from the dead and He is alive now! He is always at the right hand of our father God and he is standing right in front of you right now in this moment!
So lift up your head my friend. Look Up! He’s reaching out his hand to you and all you have to do is grab onto Him.
Lay your burden down at his feet. Come and rest for a moment… or rest for a while. Take as long you need to rest and then grasp on tighter give it all to him. Every worry, every fear, every struggle, every sorrow…give them all to Jesus and let him be the one to help you get back up.
I have been hearing this song a lot on the radio lately. It is not a mushy sort of song but yet the words are very powerful and a great reminder of the power and strength we all have in Jesus. Check it out — TobyMac – Move
Now lift your head, get up and keep on moving! It ain’t over yet!
Make it a great week!
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
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