Help Me Find It…Soon Please!

The words to a song have been running through my head today and I can’t seem get them out.  I realized earlier that maybe they are there because the words are kinda like words to a prayer… a prayer I have been praying all day.

The last couple of weeks have been full of a lot of emotions that have been all over the place for me. I have had emotions in so many different directions, they have been happy, sad, fun, hard and quite a bit confusing at times. First off I was on a mission trip to Haiti, that was a good trip, though heartbreaking at times it was also a blessing and I saw God working so much there. But also while I was in Haiti I came to the realization that God is leading me toward a place that seems way out of my comfort zone and to be honest quite scary to me.

The second thing that happened is I have two best friends, one I have been friends with for over 25 years and one I have been friends with since I was a little girl, one friend moved away the week before I went to Haiti, the other friend passed away while I was in Haiti. It is odd losing both your best friends within 2 weeks time. The one friend can still call me but she is in an area right now that I have to wait for her to call, because her phone signal isn’t very good.  Though we can talk on the phone its still not like the everyday chats we always had, calling each other up every single morning and also several times a day just to tell each other silly things that were going on.

The third thing that happened is my husband got a new job while I was in Haiti so now he has been working in the evenings since I got back and it feels really strange to me to have so much alone time. I just got used to him being home all the time and now he is gone.

As I mentioned a few paragraphs back, while I was in Haiti I came to the realization that God is leading me toward a place that seems way out of my comfort zone and scary to me. With no one to mull things over with it has been hard. I keep trying to talk to God about it but he has been silent these past few days. Though I will admit I am a bit of a loner and I usually do like my space I have to say it has been a little more quiet than I would like it to be around here.

I keep telling myself that there is a reason for all of this and I am sure there is.  I know that God has a plan in place and sooner or later he will show me what I am supposed to do.  He has never failed me in the past, but the waiting for him to reveal what it is He wants me to do is sometimes really hard for me.  I am not to good at waiting and anyone who knows me knows that patience is not one of my specialties.

I am not really sure what this blog post is about today other than I feel pretty down about my friends and my life seems to be pretty confusing to me right now.  Also I wanted to share this song that has been stuck in my head today, thanks for listening and I hope you enjoy it.

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

The Time is Now

I woke up in unable to breathe today…

Just breathing can sometimes be hard to do especially when there is a storm raging around me. Each day I have asked God to make it stop but lately the troubles are piling in, swirling and raging around me like a hurricane.

I have heard that in the eye of a hurricane there is a calm and peaceful place.  God has carried me through so much in the past 3 years and thankfully even though the storms kept coming God always seems to keep me centered and safe in the peace of His watchful eye.

Though sometimes hard, the past 3 years have been a huge miracle to me.  God has carried me through a vision problem that almost caused me to lose my eyesight in my right eye.  While He was healing my eyesight He also healed me from the blindness I had to the world around me by showing me things I had never cared about or noticed before.

God has helped me give up alcohol and shown me I do not need it in my life to live.  God has also helped me get over social anxiety.  I can remember a time that I could not sit in a room full of people unless I was drinking wine to take the edge off.

God has used me to lead Bible studies when I know nothing about the Bible and He helped me speak in front of my church 2 times about the kids of Compassion and THAT is amazing when I think about the fact that I used to not even be able to get in the door because of the fear of all those people!

In March God took me to Haiti to meet my Compassion sponsor child.  On that trip I rode on a bus packed in like a sardine with people I didn’t know for many hours and I loved it!  I still am amazed by that… Haiti?? Me?? No way? Yes way! With God all things are possible!

If you would have told me 4 years ago that one day I would be a Christian and attending church let alone all that other stuff I would have told you that you were nuts!  Oh by the way I forgot mention I now work at my church!? That one still makes me want to pinch myself from time to time to make sure I am awake and not dreaming. Those are just a few highlights, I could go on all day long about all God has done to change my life.

Though God is always good, life still can at times be hard.  About a month ago I started having  vision problems in my other eye. Have visited the Retina specialist again to be told we can not do anything at this time but wait.  Some days I have panic attacks because of the odd things that I see in my vision field.  This Wednesday I am scheduled to have knee surgery and  then in 4 weeks I will be having surgery on the other knee.  There are also a few more things I can not share publicly but involve people that I love.  I have days I almost cave in under the weight of it all but Jesus keeps holding my hand and giving me the peace I need, by showing me all the blessings in my life and reminding me of all the things he has carried me through before.

This morning I found myself venturing out of His peaceful place into the raging wind of the storm.  At beginning of this blog I wrote…”I woke up in unable to breathe today”,  I could have written that yesterday and the day before that.  Each and every day  if I don’t lift it all up to God and let go of it I will begin to feel myself suffocating.

There is a song called ‘Help me Find It’ by Sidewalk Prophets that I love.  Every time I hear it I find myself singing along and also singing it to God. The words to the song say

I don’t know where to go from here, it used to seem so clear, I’m finding I cant do this on my own.

I don’t know where to go from here, as long as I know that you are near,

I’m done fighting I’m finally letting go,

I will trust in you, you’ve never failed before, I will trust in you.  

If there’s a road I should walk help me find it, If I need to be still give me peace for the moment,

Whatever your will, whatever your will, can you help me find it? Can you help me find it?

Today when I woke my vision was cloudy, my knees were weak and my heart felt broken but I continue to I breathe Jesus in because I know without him I could never do this.

With every breathe I take He gives me the peace I need for that moment.

Though I have nothing to give Him He still keeps on giving to me.

I have never had to take one step alone and I never will

Peace for the moment.

The panic has subsided and in my heart I feel peace now.  I asked him to help me find it and he did.

Today is the day He gave me his grace,

Today is the day He will guide me,

Today is the day He comforts me,

Today is the day he gives me hope.

Today is the day he gave me Peace.

For I know the plans I have for you, ”declares the Lord,“ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Below is a link to the Youtube video ‘Help Me Find It’  by, Sidewalk Prophets

Thank you for reading and have a blessed day,


#HMFI – @swprophets.