Eyes on Jesus and Another Music Monday

October 2, 2017Leave a comment

Hey there! It’s been a really long time since I’ve been here on the blog. In May my husband and I went on a cruise and we came home tossing around the idea of selling our home and moving into a home that we have been renting out since 2011. We prayed about it and the next thing I knew we were caught iin a whirlwind of excitement. Our summer was spent cleaning up and restoring the home we were moving into and then moving. We have been in our new home for about 5 weeks now and we are just now about finished unpacking. YAY!

Anyway…I didn’t come here today to talk about the move, what I really came here for is to share a song with you. -> Turn My Eyes by Bonray.

Yesterday in my pastor’s sermon he spoke about how different symbols or things bring back memories of things our lives. That got me thinking about a tiny blind spot that I have in my eye. Its been there for about 5 years now and I never really notice it too much, but during the times that I do notice I’m always reminded of the time that I lost my vision in that eye. It was a very frightening time for me and the only way I could have peace was to keep my eyes firmly on Jesus. I didn’t realize it at the time but now looking back I know that it was during that time I learned just how much Jesus loves me. He was with me every step of the way and I know now that he is here to stay. All I have to do is keep my eyes on him.

There is a whole lot more to the story and if you have been a reader of this blog for a while then you have heard the story before, so no need to repeat. If you haven’t heard it then you can head to the archives and find it all there.

I hope you enjoyed the song and that you have a wonderful week.

Oh and one more thing before I go… Did you know that Jesus loves you and that if you are looking for peace all you have to do is call on him and he will give it to you?

It’s true.

Have a great week!

I Still See

August 31, 20159 Comments

Exactly one year ago today I was on vacation in Cancun and while there a macular hole formed in my left eye and the vision in the center of my eye was suddenly missing. As I lay on a beach chair with my eyes closed tightly unable to open them frightened by what was happening, I heard God’s voice telling me to open my eyes. So I did. When I opened my eyes though some of my vision was missing I realized that I could still see a beautiful sight before me.

There was a storm brewing over the ocean and also a storm of fear brewing inside of me, but suddenly a feeling of peace began washing over me as I realized just how powerful God was and also that he was right there with me.

Today I am sharing what I wrote in my journal and also shared on my blog that day.

I STILL SEE by Terri Siebert (www.astorybyme.com)

August 31, 2014

The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

As I share that post one year later I have my vision fully back. A few days after I wrote that post I was diagnosed by a Retina specialist with a macular hole. Just a few short days after diagnoses I suddenly started seeing better and about a month later found out that the macular hole had ‘just went away.’

My doctor told me that macular holes don’t usually ‘go away’ all by themselves. I know that it was God who healed my eye. I have to say this was one of those times that right in the middle of the storm, I knew without a doubt that everything was really going to be alright.

And it was. What a wonderful gift! Isn’t God awesome? 🙂

Have a wonderful day,

Disaster’s Pass

September 17, 201413 Comments

Retina scan September 3, 2014 – Vitreous gel pulling on my retina stretching it into a cone shape.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.~ Psalm 57:1

My friend Judy sent that scripture to me. As is I sit here in the retina doctor’s office once again I cling to that promise.

I have been thinking about Paul lately. Paul was the first person I ever studied in the bible. I was new to the Bible then. I was also new to Bible study class and having my first eye problem that first time I read about him. He went blind, I was going blind in one eye, he was healed and I was healed, talk about God and perfect timing that was the most perfect of perfect time ever for me to be learning about him. During that study I remember reading that Paul had some sort of thorn in his flesh I have often wondered why God did not take it from him.

Lately I am beginning to feel like these eye issues and health problems could possibly be my thorn. It seems like this past couple of years I have had more health problems than I’ve had over my whole life.

I am wondering why I can’t seem to be well of my eye issues. For over 3 years now I have had eye stuff of some sort going on. I get well and then something new comes along and not only do new eye issues come along some of them seem to be things that are ongoing and require a whole lot of waiting. I think I may be learning to be patient….This latest eye thing has been going on for over a year.

Something that I have recently noticed is that every single time I have some sort of health issue it seems like I usually end up I growing much closer to God during it. I also noticed that each time I also seem to come out stronger somehow than I was before. I realized as I sit here today what a huge learning opportunity this whole ordeal has been. Also how brave I have become.

I used to be afraid of the eye doctors, I remember being afraid for them to just look in my eyes. I feared they may touch my eye. To me eyes seem squishy and fragile and I get so squeamish to really look at or even think about them to much.

When my kids were young I could handle any crises with my kids like a pro. We went through a few broken bones and several stitches and I was actually very calm…. But if they got something in their eye I would freak out! I am the mom who drove her child a 30 minute drive to the eye doctor to have the doctor remove a stuck contact lens from the bottom of her eyeball because I was to squeamish to even look in her eye!

Now days when I visit the eye doctor they eye drop my eyes with drops that sting and then numbing drops to make them numb before they poke me with dangerously sharp looking instruments, while temporarily blinding me with the bright lights. I have had my eye washed out with soap and had 3 eye injections! As I write this I realize that I seem to be a pro at the eye doctor now because most of that stuff does not phase me anymore.

Question for myself…. If I am such a pro then why do I dread being here so bad today?

Answer…. Because even though I feel confident in God I still do not like all this stuff, and I can’t say that I think I ever will like it.

The truth is I am really afraid of the unknown in my future sometimes. What other new, painful and scary things will I have to go through? Often over the past year have thought of Paul and all the horrible stuff he went through. Nothing I have been through even comes close to the stuff he went through and yet he kept on trusting God, believing in him and telling people how awesome he was. Could it be that going through hard stuff is actually a good thing?

A lot of people have been praying that God will heal this. A week ago I thought he did heal me, the flashing in my eye had stopped and I started seeing perfect and I claimed my miracle. Now here I am a week later, sitting in the doctor’s office again with more flashing in my eyes, and a circle of light around my vision. I want so badly for all of this to end but oddly at the same time I feel thankful for all that it has taught me…rely on God and trust him no matter what… Though this is going on today i still hear his voice telling me that everything is going to be okay.

Today as I travel through this minor rain shower I know there are people who are in a full out storm… As I am writing this I pause and I look around this room. As I look around I realize the room is full of people going through a storm of some sort. Do they know they are not alone?

I wrote the above today as I sat in the retina doctor’s waiting room waiting for my doctor to come in and examine me. Where I ended it is where I was at when she came in the room.

This next part is what happened after she came in……

After my eyes were dilated and scanned the doctor told me that I had healed! She told me that the drug she ordered to release the vitreous gel from pulling on my retina was no longer needed and that the macular hole had shrank! She thinks the hole it is healing though she told me that it is very rare for a macular hole to heal by itself. I told her that it did not heal by itself that God had healed it 😀 I go back in a month to see for sure if the hole has healed completely, though I know already it will.

As sit here tonight I realize just how quickly things can change in a matter of minutes. As you are going through your life today remember everything here on earth is temporary but God is forever. Trust him with your life because he gave you your life. If you know him share him with everyone because someone shared him with you. Just as my doctor came in today I had wondered if the people in the room knew they were not alone, from this day forward I want to take the time to make sure everyone I meet knows that they are not alone. If you are reading this and don’t know Jesus take the time to find out more about him I promise you will be glad you did. Here is a good link with some information -> Know God. Or if you have questions about God leave me a comment, I will be glad to answer as best I can.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:1

Retina, scan September 17, 2014 – Vitreous gel released, retina back to normal.

Pity Party Invite on Facebook

September 15, 2014September 15, 20149 Comments

You all know I have this eye issue going on, well today I found out that my insurance company denied the treatment that would have hopefully kept me from having 2 eye surgeries. The treatment only has a 50 percent chance of working but it will keep me from having to go through a surgery that could possibly cause me to be blind in my eye for 3 weeks to 4 months until some sort of gas bubble they will be putting in my eye dissolves and my eye fills back up with its own fluid (they will take out my own fluid).

As you saw in my last post I thought that the Vitreous gel had released off of my retina because the flashing had suddenly went away and also I could see better than I could in over a year and a half. On Wednesday of last week a new flash started but I still can see really good, though I can see really good the flashing means the gel is still attached but some of it has released. If not for the insurance companies denial I would have had that injection this coming Wednesday. As it stands now I have to make the decision to have the surgery or take a chance on my retina possibly detaching.

When I first found out this morning about all this I was furious, and still may be…How can the insurance company be allowed to play doctor when its MY eyesight at stake? After I found out this news the first thing I did was call my insurance company and argue with them, then cry and even yell at them. I will admit I let them see the side of me I usually only reserve for my poor husband. After that didn’t work I hurried up and sent my daughter a text telling her all about it. She sympathized with me but seriously what did I think she could do to help the situation so of course my next course of action was to go to my phone and post this angry Facebook status…

Of course you all know that was a great solution… Let me tell you I had a very large pity party this morning and I was inviting anyone and everyone who would want to join me. That would show those insurance company executives right?? After all I am sure they read my Facebook status every day and this mean comment with a lot of likes and comments that agreed would for sure make them rethink their decision~

I am sure you know by now I am just being sarcastic I know my insurance company does not see my Facebook statuses or my mean text about them to my daughter. I did discover though that there is one person who did see my anger and frustration and also he saw my facebook post and that would be God…yep he saw it… You know one time someone told me that in my Christian walk that before I did something I should think would I do this if God were sitting beside me? Well guess what??… HE IS! And sometimes he has this way of using other people to reel me in. As soon as I posted right away I got a few likes… oh that made me feel good because people were agreeing and I even got an agreeable comment….But then the next comment shook me up.. “Don’t give up. Remember you have the Great Advocate working behind the scenes.” I saw that comment on my phone just as I opened my curtains to a window that looks out over my back yard, my beautiful lovely green treed back yard with flowers blooming and sun shine streaming through it. Right there in the middle of my anger I saw God is still working and I can see just fine still! It made me feel ashamed because how did I manage to forget? … sheesh just last week I wrote a blog post about how I thought God had healed my eye. Yes I have had new flashing since that post but I can still see great! Better than in over a year! Just the other day I told someone that I had claimed my miracle and I wasn’t going to give it back and now just because my insurance company denied a claim for a treatment I am acting like it’s the end of it all.

After I saw the beauty in my back yard, and comment on my Facebook status, I decided it was time to visit with God so I grabbed my Bible and went off for some quiet time with him. As I was praying I felt led to open my Bible and when I did it opened to this page where for some reason a few things were underlined. I am not sure why or when I underlined them but today what I realized is those words were the voice of God and I realized I could see it so clearly WITHOUT my glasses on in a Bible with writing so small I could not see it just a few short weeks ago.

“I will be with you”

I went on to read the rest of the passage … Isaiah 43:2-3 When you pass through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned the flames will not set you ablaze, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel your Savior.”

Wow after words like that I have nothing else to say other than, “I know God’s got this and thank you!”

Have a blessed day,

Eye Update!

September 5, 2014September 15, 201416 Comments

Since my last post “Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39” I have received many encouraging email messages and also comments on my blog. I am just so humbled and amazed at the outpouring of love and prayers that have surrounded me in the past few days, from not only friends and family here beside me, but also from people who I have never met in person. The love I have felt touches me so deep inside that I feel my heart just may burst and I want to say thank you to each and every one of you ❤

I went to the Retina specialist Wednesday and the news was that I have a stage 1 macular hole caused by the vitreous gel in my eye pulling on my retina. My doctor has ordered a drug called Jetrea that will be injected in my eye to hopefully dissolve the vitreous gel so that it will quit pulling on my retina. The Jetrea has a 50 percent chance of working. If it does not work then I will have to have eye surgery to remove the vitreous gel. I may have to surgery to fix the macular hole also depending on how it looks once the gel is not pulling on it anymore. For now I am supposed to be watching for anything new that happens in my eye such as floaters or new flashes of light because while the gel pulling on my retina it can make the hole bigger or possibly cause my retina to detach.

I wrote the above 2 nights ago night but did not get a chance to publish it and this is what happened since I wrote that……

When I got up yesterday morning my eye was very light sensitive and blurry. I went to work where I spent most my morning on the computer. Some time during the late morning I realized that did not seem to be having as much trouble seeing and thought I was just getting used to my eye issue. When I finished at work as I was going to town and I noticed once again that I seemed to be seeing much better but I still thought it was because I was just getting used to it.

As exited the interstate I realized that the flashes of light that I have seen for almost a year were gone! I also noticed that feeling of looking through cellophane in my eye was gone too! I sat in a parking lot for 15 minutes moving my eyes all different directions to see if I could see the flash or the cellophane and no matter how I moved them I was right it had stopped! Those flashes in my sight have been very obvious every time I would move my eyes or blink but now they were gone. The feeling of seeing through cellophane started when the hole appeared but it was gone gone gone too! The only thing that I seem to have wrong is a small dot of vision right in the center of my eye is missing. 2 days ago the whole center of every word was blocked but now it is only a small dot on the center letter of each word and it is not very noticeable at all with both of my eyes open. I am pretty sure that the dot of missing space is the macular hole but I truly think the vitreous gel has finally pulled off.

I called my retina doctor with this news and she did not seem to be impressed or believe me and she said she will see me in 2 weeks unless I have new flashes or floaters. I am not a doctor but I really do think the gel pulled off and if that is what happened I will not have to have the Jetrea injection to make it dissolve. I noticed today that I am seeing much better than I have in over a year!

Anyway… that is the news I have so far and I hope I am right. If I am not right at least something has happened that my vision seems to be improved, so either way the prayers are working and if my eye is really healing (and I am sure it is) this will be the 3^rd miracle that God has given me on my eyes, you would think that by now when I tell my doctor I think I am better she would believe me 😀 I will let you know in 2 weeks what she says, Maybe the hole will heal too 😀

I also want to say something about prayer….When this first happened while I was laying there on that beach praying God immediately wrapped his arms around me and gave me such peace that I can never begin to explain it here. That peace he gave me has held strong through it all and is still here. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I have no idea how many people have been praying for me I put a post on Facebook and have told everyone I know. I used to be so uncomfortable to ask people to pray for me, but I have realized now how can can people know to pray for us if we do not ask? I could feel those prayers so much and I know that every single one of those prayers were heard by God. He is answering them not only in the healing I have seen but I truly think it has even more to do with how much confidence I feel in him no matter what the outcome turns out to be. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

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this photo is not mine and it came from Christine Cain’s facebook post.

Thank you for reading and once again for your prayers,

I Was Blind But Now I See

Through the Fog and the Debris

Eye Issues Today

I Still See

Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39

September 2, 2014September 2, 201417 Comments

Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I sit here in awe of the beauty and the spender.

White clouds of cotton floating over deep blue water

A sea gull crying while gliding softly, wings open, floating on the breeze

Your breath blowing softly in my ear whispering words of peace, “do not fear, I am here”

People from all over the world speaking different languages their voices mixed together like music.

The laughter of children playing,

Lovers kissing,

A man selling his wares as plane flies over,

Jet skiers,

Parasail’s drift weightlessly above waves lapping at white sand.

I see your face in this place

When I close my eyes I still see you.

Images forever snapped from the camera of my mind.

A few years ago I had a blood clot in my right eye and lost some of my vision in that eye. At one point almost all of my vision in the eye was gone but God gave me a miracle and healed most of my central vision back though I do have only about half the vision in that eye. I never really notice it unless I close my good eye.

About a year ago I started to see flashes of light in my other eye and gradually over the past year my vision has been having all sorts of odd things happen. I also started to have a bigger blind spot in my other eye and a constant flicker. According to my retina specialist all of this is do to the vitreous gel pulling on my retina. My doctor tells me that what is am seeing is the light reflecting off the gel. Over the past year I have had all sorts of odd things happen in my vision and it seems as if my vision has been getting worse and worse as we wait for the gel to finish pulling lose from my retina.

This past week my husband and I were in Mexico and the second day there I was noticing that I could not really take the bright sunlight a whole lot and my eyes seemed different. A little while later I was reading a book and I realized I was having trouble focusing on the words. It was as if they were jumbled or not clear after a while I closed my right eye and realized that with my left eye the letters in the center of every word was missing. Then I realized that anything I looked at seemed to have a small missing place right in the center. Needless to say I went into a panic I already have an eye which is half blind and now my good eye is missing the center!

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, vision loss has to be about the scariest thing I have ever been through. Right after this discovery of the missing vision I went into a panic, I was on the beach with my husband, sitting there with my journal and my Bible and just could not bear to open my eyes to read, write or look at the beauty around me. It was like the blind spot in my eye was the only thing I could see. It is very hard to not think about something when it is right there in front of your eyes.

A little while later my husband went and joined a ping pong tournament leaving me alone on the beach. For the longest time I just lay there with my eyes closed, begging God to make this blind spot go away. After a while the sound of the ocean and the people around me started creeping in to my brain it seemed to relax me a bit and then I heard a voice say “open your eyes!” As I heard that voice I knew it was God, I was like “um no I can’t bear to look,” but he kept insisting I look so I finally reluctantly opened my eyes. There before me was the bluest water I have ever seen in my life. There was a storm off in the distance and the clouds were hanging low over the ocean, it had to be just about one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. As I sat there looking at the painting before me I realized that the blind spot does not show so much when I am looking at scenery unless I blink.

Shortly after that I grabbed my journal and managed to write a few things down without looking to closely at the page as I wrote. What I wrote was what you read at the beginning of this post and also yesterday’s post. God still amazes me how he manages to pull me back time and time again to realize that no matter what is going on it really will be okay. The rest of the day was a good day, my husband came back from ping pong and by then I was in a new frame of mind. We went for a short walk down the beach and watched the storm come in and then we sat under the palapa in the rain laughing as everyone else left the beach…Question…. if you have your swimming suit on why not just stay out in the rain?.. 😀 Later the sun came back out and we went for a swim and the rest of our evening was really great.

I seemed to be in great peace the next day and until we came home Overall I think we both had a great trip. Once we got home I seemed to have peace until this morning when I realized my eye is getting worse. When I woke up this morning I was so upset I decided I was going to stay in bed with my eyes closed because I could not bear to be seeing what is missing in my vision. I had the television on and there was a preacher speaking, I was not really paying much attention but all the sudden I heard him say, “The only way to be delivered is to get your eyes off yourself and keep them on Jesus.” At that moment I realized that I was laying there panicking worrying about something I have no control over. About that same time a friend of mine who is very very sick with cancer sent me a text, I spent some time with her and oddly I was able to talk to her without thinking to much about my eye. After that my mother called and said she and my dad were close to my house and wanted to come over, and two minutes later my son called saying he was coming over. I ended up spending the morning happily with my family. Today was a great day. I know God sent me those people in my time of need to distract me. No more panic and I truly am at peace about whatever happens. I can not say that I like it, but really I am sure it will all work out in some sort of good way. It always does.

My doctor seems to think I have a macular hole which she says if fixable. I am seeing her on Wednesday to get the for sure diagnosis. Until then all I can do is wait. I think I may be getting pretty good at that.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading,

I Still See

August 31, 2014September 2, 201412 Comments

The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

Lightning Flashes

August 21, 2013August 21, 20138 Comments

English: Bow Light (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For about the past month and a half I have been having eye issues again. If you have been reader of mine since the beginning you already know about my past eye issues. I was finally released from the retina doctor and then new things started happening in my ‘good’ eye this past July.

You would be amazed at how much stuff has to happen just right inside your eyes for you see clearly. If one tiny thing gets out of whack you can see all kinds of odd things.

In July it was lightning flashes, then a grey shadow and today add to that a clump of black floating bubbles to go along with the black floating spider webs, shadows, glowing and the blind spot that I have become accustom to in my other eye.

Some days I struggle to keep away panic attacks as I try hard to see past the odd things going on in my eye. One eye was pretty scary but I could take comfort in knowing I had a spare eye. Now that my spare has an issue it is a whole harder for me to deal with. Sometimes I find myself wondering if one day I might not have the blessing of seeing all this crazy stuff floating around and instead see only darkness. When I start thinking like that I have to yank back all the pity party invitations and choose to see joy through the mess of stuff that seems to be tangled up inside my retina trying to block the view.

Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’ breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’

The other day my husband Mark and I were driving down the interstate on a beautiful sunny day. As we were driving along Mark said, “Look at the rainbow!” I looked in front of us and there it was, right in the middle of a sunshiny day a magnificent rainbow! We both wondered if maybe it was raining up ahead. As we drove I noticed lightning flashing around the rainbow and said “yes it must be raining up there, look at all that lightning!” My husband looked and said, “I do not see any lightning.” I looked again, again I saw lightning, he did not. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had finally became so used to the lightning flashes in my eye that I could see through them most of the time, so much so, that when I did see them I thought they were real lightning! I am not sure when it happened but like each new thing that has happened inside my retina eventually I had gotten used to the lightning also. I thank God because without him I am not sure if that could have ever happened or that I could have had peace in all this.

So today I see bubbles and as I cling to God and try hard to push down the panic I think of the rainbow and how I am thankful. Each day is a blessing and I do not want to ruin this day by worrying about tomorrow, though at times I find myself wanting to see ahead, wishing so bad that God would give me a tiny glimpse of the plan. All I can do is take comfort in the fact that he has never left me before. He has always given me peace and strength I need to keep on going and I have always came out in the end thankful and blessed by the outcome. Today I will trust.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Thank you for reading,

As I was writing this I noticed this song playing on my radio and thought how perfect! Enjoy – You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

*The “The Breathe Prayer” I said in this post was something a friend told me about a long time ago, so I am not trying to take credit for writing it, I say it all the time and it works 🙂 Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’ breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’ If it belongs to you let me know and I will add your name to this post to make sure you get credit 🙂

His Time Not Mine

July 11, 20137 Comments

Lately I have been going through a hard time.

Though I wake up each day and set out trying not dwell on my problems lately I find them starting to get the best of me. I also find myself being a big crybaby which is not usually my type of behavior.

I also have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and sole searching lately. Today I think maybe I have realized part of my problem, here lately I have been feeling God calling me to do things that are way out of my comfort zone. Not that I have never done anything for God out of my comfort zone before but lately he has been asking things that require a lot more braveness and stepping out in faith.

For the last 5 weeks I have been taking a Bible study class called “Discerning the voice of God” coincidence? There is no such thing as coincidence and I know God put me there in that class for a reason.

While taking that study something has profoundly hit me and as I found out yesterday I am not the only one in the class who has been hit with this… I usually go into my prayer time talking to God. I pray about a lot things never seeming to be able to shut up, I pray for others, and for his guidance, etc, etc. My prayer time seems to me to be what I thought was a good amount of time spent with God. But what has hit me all the sudden is the fact that I spend a lot of time talking and never being quiet to listen.

Would I walk up to a stranger and start asking for stuff? Well if I never listen to God then how do I get to know him? Wouldn’t that be like just expecting him to answer all my prayers and never actually taking the time to let him tell me what he wants?

God wants me to want to know him and I do want to know him, at times I want to know him so bad it hurts. How can I get to know him if I am flapping my mouth the whole time I am praying and never letting Him have a turn?

Over the course of the past five weeks I have been making a conscious effort to set quietly and keep my mouth shut. In the beginning of all this I would hear cars go by, the clock ticking and of course for some reason my cat, Bart seems to be disturbed by me sitting quietly which usually turns into him getting right up in my face and meowing as loudly as he can in protest.

Gradually over the past few weeks I have noticed a change. I am starting to hear God more loud and clear. Another thing I am finding out is the more I get to know him the more the emotions run. At times I get so overwhelmed by it all I just don’t know what to do with them so I tend to cry a lot. Most of the crying is joy, but some is pain at the fact that I do not always do what he asks. I also cry a lot because I am overwhelmed with the fact that He gives me these little jobs to do that I really feel unqualified to do.

The quiet little nudges I used to feel are now much louder and clearer and I can’t avoid them anymore. Trusting he will equip me is my newest thing I am learning to do.

So today I got to thinking…I wonder if all the health and family issues that I seem to be bombarded with lately are being used as a tool to distract me from what God is calling me to do? If I absorb myself in all the stuff going on I don’t have time to do or think about what he asks. I am not looking for anyone to answer that question, I am just thinking out loud is all. I am pretty sure God has already shown me the answer…things need to be done in His time not mine and it’s time.

My Miracle

November 2, 2012January 20, 20156 Comments

January 12, 2011 was the beginning of a long journey for me. It was a journey to a miracle. It was the day I woke up with a strange glow in my eye. After a visit to the eye doctor I found out I had blood clot in my eye and that it was blocking a vein to my retina and causing fluid to build up in it and causing a blind spot in my eye. If you would like to read that story click here ->I Was Blind But Now I See

From that story you can see that I was healed but since that time I have had a few more eye issues caused by side effects of the drug used to treat my eye. At first I did not understand why God would heal me then decide to take my vision back away. I have had days of scary things happening in my vision and then turn around would receive good news from the doctor. It’s been a long 2 years of riding an emotional roller coaster full of a lot of ups and downs.

In July of this year I started losing vision again and seeing black spider web looking things. Over the past 4 months I have had several doctor visits and at the last visit the very first thing that happened to start this whole thing this was beginning to happen again. The vein that was damaged from the blood clot had started clogging and leaking again which was causing a small amount of retinal swelling. My last doctor visit was about a month ago and the doctor left me feeling that eye injections were in my future again or that my vision would one day be gone in that eye. Thankfully one thing I have been very blessed to have through most of this is that Jesus has helped to give me peace to the point that I do not think about my eyes for the most part anymore.

This past month everywhere I turn a Bible verse keeps coming up for me. The verse that keeps coming up is Hebrews 4:16. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

It’s almost as if I have joined some sort of Bible verse of the month club. That scripture keeps coming up in sermons, devotionals, and other people’s blogs. In my Bible study class the other day it talked about boldly coming to God with our prayer and I came across that verse again. Normally I am a pretty bold prayer, but I think when it came to my eye I was starting to get it in my head that God had another plan so maybe I should just keep praying to keep the comfort and the peace He has been giving me throughout this whole thing and I had somewhere along the line quit praying for healing.

Today was my Retina doctor appointment. Before my appointment I checked my email and in it I found that I had received a daily devotional from a friend and guess which scripture was written in a note attached to the devotional? You guessed it Hebrews 4:16. I had already done what I thought was a bold prayer last night and this morning but now upon seeing this I was thinking wow I think God is trying to tell me something so I pray another what I thought was a pretty bold prayer. I then got into my car to head to the retina doctor. Imagine my surprise when I started my car and the Joyce Meyer cd I had left in the cd player started playing exactly to where the minute it come over the speakers she said.. “Let us approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need”. I think if I would have been driving I would have crashed my car I was so shocked!

I was running late for the doctor but this time I think I really got what God was trying to tell me. Not only did I need to pray boldly and ask God for exactly what I wanted but I also then needed to BELIEVE it would happen. So that moment I prayed “Okay God this is what I need, I need for you to heal my eye. You can do anything because you are amazing I also know that you can do this so please heal my eye”. I know that sounds awful bold and maybe not the way we should talk to God, but then yet He is the creator of the universe so He CAN do anything so why would I not believe he can fix my tiny little eye and then boldly ask Him to fix it and believe He can and will?

Once I got to the eye doctor my vision was checked and I saw worse on the eye chart than I did last time I was there. During the doctor’s exam instead of being worried about her diagnosis I had a feeling of peace, I felt like God had told me I was healed and for some odd reason even with the vision test not coming out the best I still thought I was going to be healed.

When she got done examining me she looked a bit dumbfounded and she said “I did not expect this and I am amazed”. If you knew my doctor you would know dumbfounded is not her specialty, she is very self assured and pretty confident in what she thinks she knows. She then proceeded to tell me the eye had ‘healed itself’ and there was no more bleeding in my eye. She then said that from what she saw at my last visit she thought that by this visit I would be way worse. When I asked her why my vision was a little worse even though she said I was healed was because of the past bleeding I had in my eye there is still debris from that floating around and that over time it will eventually go away and what does not go away I will get used to and not notice so much any more.

I know that my eye did not heal by it self, only God could do that and he did. I also think that maybe He left that stuff floating around in my eye as a way of reminding me of how far I have came and what a huge gift He has given me. Not only in my eyesight but also in my ability to trust and rely on Him.

Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to youM

1 John 5:14-15 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

Thank you so much for reading and God bless you 🙂

If you would like to read any of my other stories I wrote while going through the eye issues you can click the links from the sidebar titled My Eye Story.