Giving Tuesday ~ Hurricane Matthew ~ A Visit with Haiti

November 29, 20162 Comments

Unless you live under a rock I’m pretty sure you have heard about the hurricane that hit Haiti this past October. As you can see by this video the effects of the storm were devastating.

Arial Footage Shows Destruction in Haiti After Hurrican Matthew

Many homes, schools, and businesses were damaged or are completely gone.

Livestock and crops were wiped out.

Cholera is on the rise again and people are in need of food, clean water, and medical attention.

Many families lost their homes and are still in need of temporary shelter.

This is Rose

Rose is my sponsor child.

Rose and her family live on an island in one of the hardest hit areas of Haiti. My husband and I met Rose 3 years ago when we were on a trip with Compassion international.

Rose is the little girl in the lime green dress

While on that trip, we visited the island where Rose lives. We also visited the child development center she attends and we also became Rose’s sponsors that day.

The day I met Rose was a really awesome day and also is a pretty cool story. If you would like to read it you can go here and check it out -> Stepping Into the Boat .

Every since the Hurricane, we have been waiting for word from Compassion and praying for Rose and her family.

A few weeks ago we finally received this email.

I am so thankful that Rose and her family are okay but at the same time, my heart is breaking for them because it looks as if they have lost almost everything.

Even though they lost everything I am very relieved to know that because Rose is in Compassion’s sponsorship program that Compassion is working very hard to make sure she and her family are taken care of.

There were over 3100 children and their families in Compassion’s program who were affected by Hurricane Mathew. Compassion is working hard to help all of them but they can’t do it without people like you to help support their efforts.

Did you know that today is Giving Tuesday? Giving Tuesday is an international day of giving created to unite people around the world to make a difference in the world.

On this Giving Tuesday in honor of Rose and I would like to share with you an opportunity to help children in Hait who have been affected by the storm.

By clicking these links you can help

Click HERE if you would like to donate to give support to children and their families in Haiti

You can click HERE to sponsor a child in Haiti.

And most important of all… Don’t forget that your prayers are always needed.

Will you please consider joining others all around the world on this #GivingTuesday and helping children in Haiti?

What better way to start off this holiday season of giving than by making a difference in someone’s life.

Even though the Hurricane has ended the storm still continues for many families.

YOU can be a blessing in someone’s life today.

Thank you so much for your help and have a wonderful day!

Here is an inspiring story of how a young woman survived Hurricane Matthew…

#GivingTuesday #CompassionBloggers

Trusting is Believing, My One Word for 2016

January 2, 201612 Comments

In 2009 Compassion started a tradition that focused on one word for the year. Two weeks ago I received a blog writing prompt that encouraged me to spend time with the Lord and ask for his guidance as to what word he would choose for me in the coming new year. Though I have never really chosen a word in advance usually by the end of each year I find that there was a particular theme that my year seemed to have taken on as the year progressed.

Even though I have not chosen a word for this year I do know without a doubt my theme and word for 2015 was ‘TRUST’

As 2015 started I began the year with a whole lot of new things on my plate. Now as I look back I can see I had many more things coming my way that I really had no idea were going to be coming. All of those things made way for a whole lot of times I found myself having to Trust the Lord in his guidance and his strength.

There were also many times this past year that He showed me that big things can happen if I just let go of myself and put ALL of my trust in him.

With that said now I will say this has probably been the hardest year in my Christian journey.

I started the year off full of excitement and ready to dive right in to whatever God had in store. But as the year progressed things seemed to get more and more confusing and I will admit it there were times I felt like he was far away, and also sometimes oddly silent.

At one point even though I knew God had led me in to the place I was, things didn’t seem to be going quite as well as I thought they would have been going. I also had conflict going on around me and many times found myself feeling as if I was caught in the middle and for some reason I began to feel as if somehow I was to blame for it. I know now it wasn’t my problem or my fault and also know I did not put myself in the middle of it at all. I can’t really go into detail here but will say that by the end of April my confidence in trusting to what and to where God was leading me was beginning to fall apart. Yet at the same time, he still kept showing time and time again that I was where he wanted me to be.

In April I went on a mission trip to Haiti. While I was there it was really good yet at the same time I had probably one of my worst times ever of feeling like I had somehow messed up and had heard God’s plan in this for me all wrong. Strangely even though I felt that way, at the very same time things happened while I was there that soon proved to me I was actually right where God wanted me to be….Ya I know it sounds totally confusing and weird. It’s a very long story I could never put into words, so I will just say as I now reflect back I can see God’s hand prints all over the place on that trip but at the same time it’s like the enemy somehow was able to distort my vision part of the time that I was there and make me feel really confused. Another thing that happened while on that trip is I was notified that a really close friend of mine had died and I kept a lot of my emotions about her death bottled up until I returned back home. I also think maybe the sadness I felt about her dying may have put a bit of a dark cloud over the trip too. I remember coming home knowing that I was supposed to have been on that trip yet also at the same time feeling even more discouraged.

But here is the cool part….

What I didn’t know at the time was that just a week after returning home from that trip I was going to be invited on another trip. On April 23 I received an email inviting me to attend a vision trip in El Salvador with Compassion International. I know this may sound crazy but even though I was at that time doubting my confidence in discerning what was God and what wasn’t God I clearly heard him say to me “GO on the trip.”

So I signed up.

After I signed up for the trip my confidence still continued to plummet.

Yet God still kept throwing things out there that said I was in the right place but by then I was even more confused and feeling as if I was losing my ability to trust in what I heard from Him was really Him.

I also felt ashamed of my feelings and I didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on so I spiraled through most of it feeling very alone.

Then to top off all those bad feelings in July I started having some serious knee issues and I realized I most likely would not be able to go on the El Salvador trip.

I sent an email to the trip leader explaining to her the situation and I told her that I would not be able to go on the trip. I knew from past experience of going on a trip like this that I may have to walk in places that I couldn’t walk such as rough terrain or long periods of walking which I knew I could not do. I figured most likely they wouldn’t let me go with my knees like they were anyway.

Once again I found myself doubting and I began to tell myself that maybe I had made the decision to go in the first place because I had most likely heard God’s voice wrong. Why would God tell me to sign up for something He knew I wasn’t going to be able to do?

After I sent the email I soon received a reply and a phone call from the trip leader. During the phone call we talked about a lot of things, including the fact that I could possibly have another trip coming up with my church to Haiti, (I forgot to mention that earlier) that I worried if happened the dates may conflict. As we spoke I began to feel as if she was someone I had known forever even though it was my first time ever talking to her by phone. She told me that the trip would not be very physical and that I could still go with the knee problem if I wanted to. She also prayed with me for discernment I would be able to know what God wanted me to do.

We ended the conversation with me having a few more days to pray about my decision which I did and soon I knew without a doubt that God still wanted me to go to El Salvador!

So once again I said, “yes.”

I felt such relief once I made that decision and then suddenly at the end of July I found out that I would have the trip to Haiti but it was not going to be anywhere near the El Salvador trip dates. It was so exciting to know God had worked out the dates!!

But suddenly I had another problem… There was no way I could afford to pay for a trip to El Salvador and also a trip to Haiti.

I felt a loyalty to my church, because I was the new Mission’s director plus I had been a part of setting this trip up. Suddenly I felt like I was torn between the two trips and found myself trying to choose once again. I knew if I was going to have to choose I had to choose my church because I felt a loyalty to our mission there. But God still said to do both! Once again I began struggled with God because I knew I did not have the money to pay for both of these trips!

I made a decision on my own even though deep down I knew God wanted me in both places. I decided I was going to drop the El Salvador trip and I even went so far as to tell a couple of people I would not be going to El Salvador anymore.

As soon as I made that decision suddenly I could not rest.

And God still kept saying, “GO to El Salvador!”

I knew God wanted me to trust him.

I also knew I still had to go on that trip.

I changed my mind and I said, “OKAY, I will go!” but this time I did it differently and I finally gave up my own feelings on the matter. This time placed it back into God’s hands where it belonged; And guess what happened the very next day???? I found out I would not have to pay for my trip to Haiti! Wow! All I had to do was say yes and what I thought was going to be a problem was never a problem at all. God had everything under control!

I know this story is getting really long so if you are still here thank you for hanging in there. I will now try my best to finish this as quickly as possible.

We will fast forward to September….

Since July things had been going really great but then two days before I was supposed to leave for El Salvador something horrible happened. I cannot say much about what happened here because I always try really hard not to put things on the blog that may tell something personal and could possible hurt others. What I will say is that what happened totally threw me for a loop and almost threw me back into my mode of not trusting my ability to truly know what God wanted me to do. I spent the whole next day and night in tears, doubting who I was now and for that matter also doubting who I had ever known myself to be. Its may sound crazy but sometimes old wounds can be opened and when they open you may find new ones you never even knew you had. In a matter of a couple of hours of time I went from feeling closer than I had ever been with God to suddenly feeling like a horrible person. At that point I wasn’t sure how on earth I would ever be able to get myself on that plane to El Salvador.

The day before the trip, I talked to God asking him if what had happened to make me feel that way was true?? I had searched my soul and honestly felt like what I had felt the day and night before was because of lies created by the enemy. But I still wanted and needed God’s input very much.

“Please just give me something to let me know I was truly where you wanted me to be!” I prayed.

As I prayed I opened my Bible and this is what I saw hi-lighted inside – Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” Luke 1:45 That caught my attention and as I recognized the rest of the story suddenly peace just wafted over me.

The next morning as my husband dropped me off at the airport I was still at peace and never one time did I ever find myself thinking that by going on this trip I was making a wrong decision.

A little while later shortly after the plane lifted off the ground I noticed the sun was rising. I remember trying my best to hold back the tears of joy because at that moment I knew like I’d never known anything before that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. I was so thankful that despite all the detours I had taken to get to this place he had never given up on me. I was so thankful that through all the mess I had said yes.

That trip ended up being one of the best times I have ever connected with God and while there he showed me I truly was exactly where he wanted me to be . Another thing about that trip was it was not just a vision trip it was also a spiritual retreat. I had never been on a spiritual retreat before and had no idea what a treat I was in for. Each evening we would all meet for a couple of hours and focus on knowing and just being with God. In the mornings we were encouraged to spend time with Him. we were encouraged to go where ever he took us by walking the grounds or sitting on our porches or whatever felt right. To just BE and connect with God was what we all seemed to do. Never in my life have I experienced something like the closeness I felt with him on that trip. The whole trip from start to finish was perfect. We were very busy yet at the same time it felt like it was the most relaxed time emotionally I ever remember having in my life. It was like God had taken the worst parts of me and my life away for that week.

Another cool thing is that just as the trip had begun with the dawning of a new day and a beautiful sunrise, my trips last leg was finished with my plane taking off from Houston on the journey home with the sun just setting and it was beautiful too. I felt as if I had somehow come full circle and I also knew without a doubt that another chapter of my life was now closing because a new one had just begun.

I knew from that moment on in order for me to do what I am supposed to do for God I had to fully get rid of myself and trust Him.

I also now knew that all the things that had seemed to be reasons for me not to go on the trip were actually all the more reason for me to Go.

Since the trip things have not always been easy but I do now know what God wants from me. I also knew I had to give up a few things that I felt like were getting in the way of what He wants me to do. Giving them up wasn’t easy but oddly once I made my decision and did what I know he wanted me to do I felt relieved and also that peaceful feeling once again.

So my word this past year was Trust

When I looked up the definition of trust it said – “the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. “relationships have to be built on trust.”

I also found this part of the definition interesting, looking at the word trust used as in law. – “confidence placed in a person by making that person the nominal owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more – others.”

.As I started writing this blog post I had not looked up the definition of trust, though I knew what trust meant I hadn’t really ever thought of it that way. also as I started this post I had no idea what my word of 2016 would be. I had planned to stop this post with the definition of trust and tell you that I still had no idea what my word for 2016 was yet.

But as I read the definition from the perspective of setting up a ‘Trust’ I realized that another lesson I learned in El Salvador was from pastor Carlos when he talked about lending to the Lord (see blog post Casa de Pan Lending to the Lord) somehow seems to go with this definition. Suddenly it has occurred to me that though I place my confidence in God, he also has confidence in me and he has placed me where I am because that is where HE wants me to be. Could it be possible he has made me a nominal owner of HIS property, and now it is my job to use his property for the benefit of others?

As this revelation was flooding over me suddenly I looked up and saw a group of pictures hanging on the wall in my bedroom with the words Dream, Imagine, Love, Hope, Faith and Believe on them. The top word on the pictures is the word Believe. Now I can see that without believing He chose me I can never fully trust myself to do what he wants me to do.

I know God wants me to not only trust him but also to totally believe in his ability to make proper decisions and trust that he can and will make things go exactly as he has planned.

I plan to spend this year focusing on believing that God has my life in his hands and no matter what things may look like from the outside to me or anyone else, God knows the truth, he knows the plan and He is the only one I have to believe in.

I said in the beginning of this post that this has probably been one of my hardest years of my Christian journey. I also know, even though it has been a hard year, it has also been my best year on this journey so far.

I am pretty sure it was a good year.

Now I have a question for you.

Do you have a word you feel as if God has given you to focus on this year?

If so add your word to the comments or share your blog post in the link up below I would love to read it.

Thanks for reading my very long blog post and I wish you a blessed and wonderful new year!

P.S. Don’t forget to share your ‘One Word’ below.

[inlinkz_linkup id=595547 mode=1]

Her Clothes Were Not Good Enough For Church

June 7, 2015June 7, 201520 Comments

“rad mwen yo pa bon ase pou legliz” (My clothes are not good enough for church)

I have been thinking about those words for over a month now, words spoken by a young woman in Haiti just moments after giving her life to Christ.

This past April I went to Haiti on a mission trip with a group from my church. Several days of our trip we traveled to a church in a small village called Babaco. To get to Babaco we had to travel down a road which we found out used to be a river.

The road to Babaco aka dry riverbed

We were told that during a Hurricane the river had somehow just disappeared. Nobody knows exactly where the river went but its completely dried up now and the church in Babaco is perched along what used to be its bank.

Climbing the bank to the church

While at the church one of the things that our team did was we had a Bible study for the ladies of the village. Our pastor’s wife, Ellie, along with another lady from our church, Judy, taught the class while the rest of us would sit with the ladies who were attending.

Ellie & Judy teaching ladies Bible study

The first day of the class I was sitting in the back of the church when about 10 minutes into the class a woman with a baby came in the back door of the church. I happened to look up at her as she was walking in the door and we caught eyes. I smiled at her and she returned my smile with a big giant smile of her own and then she came over and sat down beside me.

When I say she sat beside me that is actually a bit of an understatement because she didn’t just sit by me like a normal stranger would sit beside someone. Even though half of the wooden bench I was sitting on was empty she still sat just about as close to me as a person could sit to someone without actually sitting in their lap. She sat right up against me.

As she sat down beside she spoke in Creole and even though I didn’t know her language or her mine we still understand each other. She told me her name and she asked me what my name was. She was very friendly and even though I do not usually like it when people to sit close to me, for some reason I felt immediately comfortable around her.

Her baby was a boy and he looked to be a little over a year old. He was at the age where babies are just starting to toddle around and he was keeping his momma very busy that day. To me it looked as if for most of the class she wasn’t paying much attention to anything the teachers were saying, but then the teachers handed out pink index cards with the words of the Bible verse Ephesians 1:13 written on them.

The minute she was handed a card she started reading it out loud –

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit.

Once the cards were all handed out Judy read the verse to the ladies and she began explaining it to them, telling them that when a person asks Jesus into their life they become sealed, forever belonging to Him. As Judy spoke I noticed that the woman sitting next to me was now listening very intently and the more Judy talked about salvation I could feel that the woman was filling with excitement. Judy then told the ladies that they could write their names on the pink cards as a reminder. Right away the woman next to me wrote her name on her card.

Judy talked a little more about salvation and told the ladies that she was going to be inviting anyone to the front of the room who would like to ask Jesus to come into their lives. By this point I could feel the woman’s emotion and could tell that she was really really excited and just about ready to spring out of her seat.

When the invite to come up was finally given she immediately got up and went to the front of the room. Myself along with the rest of our team went up with her and we all prayed with her as she gave her life to Christ.

She was the only lady who went up that day.

I have seen people give their lives to Jesus before but for some reason this time it was very emotional. I am not sure if it was because we were on a mission trip or if it was just that I had never been involved in this sort of way before. Whatever it was I couldn’t contain my tears of joy, and from the sounds of the other ladies sniffing I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt that joy.

After we were done praying we talked with her for a while and she told us that she usually didn’t come to church and she said the reason she didn’t come was because her clothes were not ‘good’ enough for church.

Really?!?

Hearing that really bothered me a whole lot and it made my heart ache. Here was a woman who had not know about the salvation she could have had in Jesus because she couldn’t come into church because of what she wore. This church had a dirt floor and there was no electricity or running water and yet her clothing was not good enough for her to come in 😦

I was stunned.

And the story does not end here.

Later that evening when we went back to our guest house, we told the missionaries we were staying with about the woman who was saved that day. When we told them her name they seemed really surprised at who it was. They told us that she was known as mean woman and that she was also known as a troublemaker in the village.

Wow…. I found that so hard to believe because from the second I met her all I ever saw was a smiling, very sweet, and very friendly lady.

I just can’t imagine her being a truly mean person and I wondered if maybe she was a troublemaker because she felt left out and maybe what was really going on was that she was hurting inside and maybe she behaved badly to cover for the hurt.

I don’t really know her story but since I have came back home I have thought a lot about her and this has sparked me to think more about the people who are in my own neighborhood.

Is it possible to that we could maybe be doing the same thing here? Could we also be keeping people out of church and ultimately God’s kingdom because of our attitudes? Do we have ideas about how people should behave or how they should dress for church? Do we label people with words like troublemaker and then let them keep that label forever?

Who decided that it’s up to anybody to decide anything about anybody else anyway?

What would you do if a known troublemaker walked into your church?

What if his clothing were ratty or dirty?

Better yet, what if his breath smelled of alcohol?

Okay so you’ve let him in, but would you smile at him? Would you go sit by him? Would you be his friend?

The answer is yes right?

The truth is none of us were ever good enough, but then we were sent a Savior,

Jesus.

And in order for others to know Him we have to invite and truly welcome everyone in.

Jesus would.

Sealed in Christ and sitting on the front row

The next day we went back to the church in Babaco for another ladies Bible study. That day the woman came to class on time and she seemed different that day. This time she didn’t sit in the back, instead she walked straight up to the front row and sat down. I could tell by the way she held herself she felt confident that she belonged in the church and she also knew she belonged in the front row. She didn’t belong the troublemaker label anymore and she knew the clothing she wore was perfect because now… She was included in Christ when she heard the message of truth, the gospel of her salvation. When she believed, she was marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit.

She now belongs to Jesus.

A Private Writer

May 31, 2015June 1, 201520 Comments

I am a writer.

I am not an author nor am I famous and most of what I have written nobody will ever read. I write only for me and I write for God and I share those things here if I feel like God wants me to share them. What you read here may have terrible grammar, bad spelling or may not even be interesting, but it is what is on my mind so I write it down. I have journals and journals of things I’ve written and also my computer is full of things I’ve written.

Most of what I write nobody except me will see and most of the time after I write something down I never go back to it again. Writing is a release for me, a way that I process things and it’s sort of like therapy. Sometimes I write because I can’t bear to speak out loud what is really going on in my head. I don’t really like to tell other people my problems or about things that are hard for me. Though I do post small smidgen of it on this blog for the most part I don’t share a whole lot of the hard stuff. I find it really hard to share the weak side of me and I also tend to worry about what other people will think if they knew the private side of me. Today I am going to share a little bit of that side of me.

Lately what I have been writing a lot about in my journal is social anxiety, because lately my social anxiety seems to be rearing its ugly head again. Not everyone who knows me knows that I have social anxiety. I don’t really share it too much because it’s really hard to explain to people why you are afraid of something that for most people doesn’t seem scary at all.

Most people that know me don’t know that I spent a whole lot of years avoiding most social occasions. Not too many people know that even a family get together is really hard for me. Most don’t know that when I did go to a get together that I was trying my best to get through them and feeling really ill. Over the years many people have probably come to know me as a snob because I usually will not ride in a car with a group, go on a shopping trip with a group, sit close with people in church or meetings or even attend meetings or classes if I can find a way to get out of them. Just about anything that requires me to stay put in a room with more than one person will panic me. If you were to put me in the front row at church and I can almost guarantee you I will get sick at my stomach and have to leave the room within 10 minutes or less. Weddings, baby showers, and even funerals were all source of panic for me.

5 years ago I managed to walk into a church with the help of Jesus and over the last 5 years I felt like I was on the right path growing in my faith making friends and making huge leaps and bounds away from my social anxiety. For the first time in my life I was really feeling like I was living a life. Starting to make friends and attending meetings and church and being able to be in large groups of people again. I was truly feeling really good about my life. For once the separation and loneliness I have always felt because of this was pretty much, but not totally gone and I was a part of things, a part of living social again. For the first time ever though I still will not sit in the front row my social anxiety has been manageable.

Over the course of this past year my social anxiety has gradually started up again and the panic attacks are back full force in social settings. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed so bad in social situations that I have had to leave, one Sunday morning during my pastor’s 20 minute sermon I left 3 times. The third time I almost went home but decided I couldn’t leave I had to go back in because the thing is this time around I realize that no matter what I have to keep going back in.

I know all this may sound crazy to most people, and I have found that most people that I have told about this do not understand. No matter how much I try to explain it they just don’t get it, the truth is I don’t even get it. I have had many people tell me that I need to just get over it that everything in life is not about me. My response is how? It is not something I can just make go away. Believe me if it were that easy it would be long gone! Another odd thing is this… I can walk through my churches lobby area and talk to everyone and I feel great and comfortable but the minute I go in the sanctuary and shut the doors for the service that is when I sometimes suddenly I become panicky.

Last month I went to Haiti on a mission trip. I wasn’t scared or nervous one bit about going or the whole time I was there. While there I rode cram packed in a van and slept 4 people to a room. We spent 24 hours a day for 7 full days together and not one time did I feel even a twinge of panic. Today at church, myself, along with those same people I went to Haiti with, are supposed to give a presentation during church about our trip. I have been so nervous thinking about it. For a month now I have dreaded it and today is finally the day. When I was going to Haiti I had family members upset and worried about my safety in Haiti, but I wasn’t worried about that one bit. I had peace and calm and was excited but now that it’s over and I have stand in front of my church for 20 minutes I am petrified. To top that off the person in charge has asked us to all sit in the front row during the rest of the service to save time when it time for us to go up there. So now not only do I have to stand in front of the church, but I also have to sit in the front row for about a half an hour before we actually go up. And we have 3 services which means we will be doing this 3 times!

Living a life for God has probably been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life because living for him means I have to step out of my comfort zone and trust. Trust is something that is really hard for me, but the one person I do fully trust is God. That was one of the first things I ever noticed about God is that I can trust him and he will never leave me and will always guide me and help me through the hard stuff.

The more I get closer to God it seems like the more I find myself in situations that require me to be brave and sometimes I still do bolt but I know I can’t keep doing that. I do know that when I get close and good things seem to be happening in my life it seems as if that is when satan attacks me and he know my weakest spot is my social anxiety and I refuse to let him win. I have been praying that Jesus will take my hand today and give me the peace to do whatever it is He wants me to do and I know He can. I can’t make the nervousness go away by myself, only He can do that and I am counting on His peace today.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13

I’ll be back later to tell you how it goes.

Have a blessed day,

Haiti Movie

May 5, 2015May 8, 20155 Comments

I went on a mission trip with my church to Haiti April 11 – 19th. While there we stayed with Carl and Maya Gilles who are missionary’s who live in Port au Prince.The first day of our trip we visited a small church in a village called Babaco where we had worship service and then we went to Hotel Montana for the afternoon. Hotel Montana was demolished in the 2010 Earthquake, but it now looks to be up and running again. I know it sounds odd to start the trip with a day of rest, but our first day in Haiti was a Sunday and that is the activity our hosts had planned for us and by the end of the week I was really very glad that we had that day of resting, because I was exhausted.

While in Haiti we visited, The Apparent Project, Outside the Bowl, The City Hospital, Mother Teresa’s Children’s Hospital and also spent the week with the people of Bobaco, in a church there nestled on the bank of a dried up river bed. While there we had ladies Bible studies, youth Bible Studies, children’s Bible School, and much, much more.

Getting to know these wonderful Haitian people and learn more about them and their culture was such a blessing. This video though very loooong (27 min) is still only a small portion of the time we shared and the pictures that our group took while in Haiti.

I hope you enjoy it.

Have a wonderful day,

Terri

A Picture Forever Etched in My Mind

April 28, 2015April 29, 201521 Comments

Our van rushed through the crowded streets of Port au Prince. We were trying to get to our destination of Mother Teresa’s Children’s Hospital by 3:00. We had been told that if we didn’t arrive by 3:00 we would not be able to get inside. A new driver and a wrong turn pushed us past our desired arrival time and now we were pulling in front of the building, our arrival time 15 minutes late. Maya our guide got out of the van and knocked at the door I held my breath while at the same time saying a silent prayer, ‘Father, if this is your will today, please get us in,” that instant Maya began waving for us to come inside, prayer answered our group climbed out of the van and headed through the door.

We had been told we were going to be helping with the malnourished babies today and that our job would be changing their diapers and feeding them. I was excited about this because I love babies and in my mind I envisioned us cuddling a cute little baby as it happily drank a bottle. What I didn’t know yet was that it was not going to be anything at all like I thought it would be and nothing could have ever prepared me for the helpless feeling that was waiting for me on the other side of the door.

We entered the room and the first thing I noticed was the white metal baby beds that were lined up head to foot in rows, and each one had a baby about the size of a newborn in it. In the first bed we were met by a cute little smiling faced baby boy. His little smiling face just warmed my heart and took a bit of the edge off my shock at what I was seeing beyond him in the other beds.

To me this hospital looked out of date and not at all like any hospital I had ever been in in my life. There had to be over 60 babies here and though I never actually counted babies, there were two full rooms of babies each with at least 25 or 30 babies per room. There room was all white with nothing in it that showed that this room was for children, other than there were baby beds. The baby beds were very small and they seemed really unsafe. They had metal bars and there were no bumper pads to block the the baby’s heads from being bumped. I also noticed that the babies who were able stand were much taller than the sides of the beds, and the first thing that went through my head was how easy it would be for one of these little ones to fall out head first onto the concrete floor below. Another thing I noticed was that the babies didn’t have blankets though I am not really sure a blanket was needed because there wasn’t any air conditioning or even a fan to stir the hot muggy air.

There was one nurse in the room and she was busy mixing cereal and filling baby bottles with milk. We were given the task of changing each baby’s diaper and then to feed them. We spread out and began going down the rows almost in an assembly line fashion. I began checking diapers and eventually reached a bed with a baby boy sitting in it. He lifted his arms up to me, I reached in and picked him up, his tiny little body seemed to mold to me as he pressed in close seeming to almost melt into my arms. I was unprepared for the panicky feeling that washed over me as I suddenly felt shocked at how feather light and tiny he felt in my arms. I was frozen in disbelief as I stood there holding him in my arms, unable to let him go, and I also got the feeling that he did not want to let go of me either. Another silent prayer went up, “God, he’s so tiny, so precious, and so sick, please do something!’ Only a few minutes ago I was looking forward to coming here and now I felt sick to my stomach wondering how could this be possible that a child could be so small and so sick?! And right now this somehow made me I feel really small too.

Holding back the tears that wanted to spring forth, I held on to that precious boy as long as I could but I also knew there were other babies waiting to be changed and fed too. I finally peeled him off my body, laid him down and began to change his diaper. I gently took his tiny cloth diaper off and once again I was in shock at what I was seeing. his tiny legs were like fragile sticks, his tummy looked somehow bloated and to big for his body that was nothing but skin stretched over a tiny skeleton. I was smacked in the face by the fact that this baby was one of those children I have seen on the television commercials, the ones who are starving. I wanted to close me eyes to what was before me right now, oh how I did not want to see this!!

So many times I have I prayed for God to open my eyes and let me see what he sees and now he had my eyes fully open wide and all I wanted to do was shut them tightly back up again. I wanted to go back and live in my happy bubble of a life where all babies were cute and cuddly and full of life. My mind kept saying this can’t be true, you must be dreaming, but unfortunately this was not a dream, this was the harsh reality right here in front of me and it hurt my heart. Tears wanted to come but I would not let them out and I finished changing his diaper and fed him a bottle. I sent prayer after prayer up for him and as I fed him he fell asleep in my arms.

Just as I lay him down in his bed the nurse handed me a tiny little baby girl. To my surprise she felt even tinier than the boy had been and she just lay in my arms listless and gazing off at nothing. The nurse then handed me a bowl of cereal that resembled thick gloppy white paste and motioned for me to feed the cereal to her. As soon as I realized she wanted me to spoon feed a listless baby I was once again uncomfortable. This baby looked as if she was barely able to keep her eyes open, much less eat from a spoon. What if she were to choke?

I had no choice but to do what I was told so I did it even thought my motherly instincts were telling me this was not possible and also not safe for the baby. I was worried she would choke as I put the first spoonful of food in her mouth…. I fearfully watched as she began slowly sucking the cereal off the spoon and to my surprise she was able to swallow it!

For the next 10 minutes I fed her tiny spoonfuls of cereal. When she seemed to be finished I told the nurse she was done eating. The nurse lifted up the baby’s shirt, felt her tummy and pointed at the bowl motioning for me to feed her more. More?!? I am a mother I know when a baby is full and this baby sure seemed to me to be full! I was not the one in charge here today so reluctantly I gave her another spoonful of cereal. She held it in her mouth for a long time and I kept thinking to myself that at any second she would spit it out or start to choke, but instead she eventually swallowed it down. This went on for another 10 minutes or so and I began to realize with each spoonful she was beginning to become more aware of her surroundings and she was starting to eat a little faster. Eventually she finished the whole bowl of cereal and I lay her down to change her diaper. While I was changing her she began playing with a small pink stuffed animal that was tied to the rail of her bed and she even began to smile. While I was changing her diaper I noticed that she had a cloth bracelet on her leg with her age written on it and it said she was 8 months old!! How could this be possible? I knew she cold not weigh more than 8 pounds because she was the size of a newborn! I thought I knew what poverty was before today, but now here I was once again still having my eyes opened even further, WAY much further than I ever wanted them to be open and once again my heart was hurting.

When I finished changing her diaper I started to move away from her and on to the next baby, but just as I started to walk away she raised her arms stretching them up to me, I reached down and touched her precious little face and said goodbye because I knew I had to move on. As I started to walk away I looked over and her hands were still up and now she stuck her bottom lip out and began to cry. That was the end of me, I could not take it, the next thing I knew I had scooped her up and I held her in my arms rocking her telling her it was going to be okay.

As I rocked her she kept looking me right in the eyes, and in turn I could not tear my eyes off hers. Her little brown eyes were mesmerizing and I wondered what she was thinking about just as she reached out her tiny hand and placed it on my mouth. Once again my heart was melted to mush. There was no way I could put that precious girl down now, so I found a stool and sat down on it and just held her until she finally went to sleep, the whole time she continued to look right into my eyes

I am not sure how but somehow fell in love with that little girl as I sat there holding her. After she fell asleep and I lay her down in her bed to move on to the next baby I realized that each baby in here needed someone to love on them. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love for each one of them. that day and there were so many babies and so few of us. My heart was tearing into shreds and at the same time the feeling love was almost overwhelming as I gazed around the room and realized that all of the ladies who were here today were all loving up on these small little babies. At one point I caught eyes with another of the ladies in our group and I could tell by the look on her face she was also feeling the same heartbreak I was feeling and I also knew she loved them too. I am pretty sure her eyes spoke for the way the whole group was feeling inside.

We had been told that these babies were malnourished. I don’t know a thing about malnutrition but as our time went on that day I realized that many of the babies had fevers, runny noses, and diarrhea. I am not sure if that is part of being malnourished or if they were also sick with something else too. Either way these were the sickest children I had ever seen in my life.

As I was sitting there in that room I remembered that I had read on Compassion International’s website that 9 million Children never make it to their fifth birthday. I wondered how many of the babies in that hospital room would not make it to their fifth birthday. After I came home I looked up the facts on Haiti and found out that 76 out of every 1000 children in Haiti do not live to see their fifth birthday. It breaks my heart knowing that a lot of the babies in that room may become one of the children in those statistics.

As I left the hospital that day I felt heartbroken and I will admit I was a little upset with God that he didn’t just snap his fingers and fix these babies but then later that evening God reminded me of my last visit to Haiti. On that visit I had visited one of Compassion International’s Child Survival Programs (CSP). Mothers can come to the CSP and while there they are taught how to take care of themselves during pregnancy and they are also taught how to take care of their babies after they are born. At the CSP the moms learn about proper nutrition, and are given a safe place for their children to learn and grow. Their children also receive medical care and immunizations. Most of all at the CSP the mom’s and children learn about Jesus and they have the opportunity receive the hope that only He can give them.
You can watch the video below to find out more about the CSP

That day we were not allowed to bring cameras or take pictures in the hospital, but even though we were not allowed to do that, a picture will be forever etched in my mind of what I saw that day.

If you would like to sponsor a child in Haiti or do something to help you can click this link – Haiti and get more information.

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day,

Terri

Even Though I didn’t Understand, I Think I still Understood

April 21, 2015April 21, 20156 Comments

Today I went to church. I usually go to church every Sunday but this Sunday church was different. The reason church was different today was because today I attended a little church in Babaco, Haiti and the service was in Kreyol. During the sermon portion of the service an interpreter helped, but during the songs I couldn’t understand a word but for some reason it felt to me as if I still could understand. And most of all I could still feel the worship in the words. I have thought about this a lot today and I still can’t explain why, but I felt as if I I knew the words even though I really didn’t. After the service I felt really blessed by what I had experienced, I got the feeling that the others who came with me did not experience the same thing as I did, I could be wrong maybe they did and just they just didn’t say anything or maybe they didn’t and maybe I am just weird or something.

Sometimes the God stuff still confuses me but the more I experience Him the more I realize it doesn’t matter if I understand the whys. All that really matters is that to me it felt so right and so good and I am really glad I got to experience it.

Today was a really good day.

Journal entry April 13, 2015

Beautiful Little People Who Will Make You Smile

April 20, 2015April 20, 20158 Comments

Here are some of the beautiful little people I met last week while on a mission trip in Haiti. These children live in a little village called Babaco on the edge of a dried up river bed. We were told that after a hurricane the river just went away. We actually drove down the middle of the river bed to get to their church/school. The smiling faces and laughter of these children brought so much joy to my heart and I know that these pictures will make you smile too 🙂

He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Mark 10:14

Have a wonderful day!

Haiti Revisited Day 2

April 2, 2015April 2, 20151 Comment

I will be returning to Haiti in 9 days and I have decided that I will be sharing my blog posts from when my husband and I went to Haiti in 2013 with Compassion International.

Today’s post is from our second day in Haiti 2013

It’s title is Hope is Here

Yesterday I woke up in my nice warm bed in the United states, today I woke up in Haiti. I came to this place not really knowing what God had planned for me in this Country but did I think I he was sending me here to to be of some sort of help.
I also had an idea in my head as to what I thought life here would be like. When I arrived here yesterday I saw things were as I thought they would be but I could never have prepared myself for how it would really look and how it would make me feel. I saw so many people living what appeared to me to be a harder life than I could have ever imagined could be possible. I could not get the the looks on the faces of people we passed out of my mind, the look that seemed to say “please help me”. I so desperately wanted to help but there were hundreds of people lining the streets and I could not help them. I went to bed last night with my heart feeling as if it had been ripped out of my chest wondering how can this be happening and do these people have hope?

Today was a different sort of day. Finish the story by clicking here,

You can also follow along on our trip by following my new blog Hearts 4 Haiti

Thank you for reading and have a blessed day!

T

Heading to Haiti Again

April 1, 2015April 1, 201514 Comments

Hi All! Whew it seems like time has been flying lately! My life has been crazy busy and with so much going on I seem to have forgotten all about my blog. I realized today that I have not posted anything for a long, loooooong time! As I mentioned in an earlier post I will be heading for Haiti on a mission trip with my church in April and that trip is just 10 days away! Wow am I excited and also a little bit nervous!

Sunday our Team was commissioned during church.

Our Haiti Team – Cathy, Judy, Steven, Tiffany, Angie, Michael, Monica, Jason, Ellie, Terri, Linnie, Rachael

and after church we had a team meeting. We have a lot of cool things planned for the people in Haiti and things seem to be coming together really well. The commissioning service was really great and very moving for me, there is just something very emotional about being on your knees at the alter with your church family all standing around you with their hands on you praying. The feeling of God’s power in the room and also a feeling of peace all at the same time is just too hard to explain . After the commissioning service was over there all the sudden was a sense of finality and a wow we are really going to do this feeling! Not that I ever doubted we would do it, but it just seemed so far away and it was like suddenly this just got really really real!

Haiti… wow, I can’t believe God is calling me back there again. A long time ago a friend said something to me about going to Haiti and I replied, ” you don’t want to go there, its dangerous there!” Looking back I laugh at that because never ever in my wildest dreams did I ever envision myself going to Haiti, or even on a mission trip for that matter, but now here I am getting ready for my second visit there!

A minute ago I was thinking about how it’s really cool the places that God will take you if you let Him. He will take you out of your comfort zone and yet when you get out of your comfort zone that is when you realize that you are where you belonged all along.

In celebration of my return to Haiti for the rest of this week I have decided that I am going to share my blog posts from when I went to Haiti in 2013 with Compassion International. Today I will start with our first day in Haiti, that day I was shocked by what I saw and honestly I have to say that day rocked my faith a bit and I really was unsure if I would be able to make it through the rest of the trip. That day we got off of our airplane and drove through Port au Prince, where the people lined the street, the rubble from the earthquake was still there. To me the whole city seemed chaotic and hopeless. That night I was sad and posted a short blog post of mostly pictures but what I did not know was that the next day God had big plans for our group and he had much more in store for me to see. The next day I would learn that hope was alive and well in Haiti and that He was right there in the midst of the mess.

So here is my first in the Haiti series ~ The Eyes

As I travel through this place so far from the life that I live, I see a way of life so different than I could have ever imagined existed -> read the rest here.

Thank you so much for reading today and God Bless.