So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36
Hola! As many of you know I was in El Salvador last week with a group of women and Compassion International visiting a new Compassion project ‘Casa de Pan’ and various other projects, with the highlight of the trip being the meeting of my sponsor child ‘Ericka’. This week I plan to share with you a few stories from the trip.
My time in El Salvador was a really fun time that was packed full of God’s love and many, many blessings. I experienced some really hard things this week too, but even though some things were hard, God was still so very good and he was there with us on this trip in a mighty big way. At this moment as I am writing this I still feel as if I am overflowing with a whole lot of stuff and I’m still in the process of sorting through the many thoughts that are swirling around inside of my head.
Getting ready to go.
The time leading up to the trip seemed to be an emotional roller coaster at times. There always seemed to be something trying to get in the way.
Things started with me having some pretty bad knee issues going on and I worried I would not be able to keep up on the trip or that they maybe wouldn’t want me go if I couldn’t keep up. At one point I even told the trip leader that I was not going to be able to go because of the knee issues.
I also I worried I wouldn’t have the funds and also that I may have another trip that could possibly conflict with this one. When I told the trip leader I wasn’t going to be able to go she offered to call me. While on the call she prayed with me and then I continued to stay in prayer as much as possible after our conversation and God just kept telling me to trust that I was supposed to go on this trip. So I kept my answer as a YES and God reassured me time and time again after that, that YES most definitely was the correct answer.
After making the decision that the answer was Yes I got really excited about going but the week right before my trip was a really hard week. It seemed like a whole lot of things kept happening that week that kept getting in the way of my getting ready to go. Things that played on my emotions and left me feeling as if I was not physically or mentally prepared to go.
My dad is very sick right now, so I was worried about leaving him. I feared something would happen to him while I was gone and I would not be here for him or my mother.
I also had some family things going on that affected a child that is close to me and I worried about leaving in the middle of all of the drama that surrounded a situation that seemed to be developing daily with no end in sight.
It was also a busier than normal at work that week and I seemed to have many things that were distracting me from getting my work done and caused me to be at work longer than normal. I kept wondering if I would ever have time to get finished with my packing and also finished with all of the things that I needed to get done around my house before I left.
Another thing that happened and that I think bothered me the most that week was that I had conflict with someone two days before I was supposed to leave. What was said left me feeling very sad and very emotional and I began wondering how well I knew myself and also caused me to start second guessing myself and before I knew it my social anxiety was kicking in again.
If you are a long time reader of my blog or one of my friends or family then you already know that I have this social anxiety issue that rears its ugly head from time to time and leaves me very uncomfortable with people, especially people I don’t know. There have also been times in my life that I have found myself running out of meetings and avoiding social occasions with even those people I do know and are usually comfortable with.
I have never really been a very brave person when it comes to being around other people and now here I was soon to be traveling to an airport I had never ever been in to meet a group of ladies that I had never met except for in an online Facebook group. I was going to be with those ladies all week long and most likely be in very close contact with them all week long too. The last thing I needed was for my social anxiety to kick in.
Though my confidence was shaken up a few times, no matter what happened that week I still knew without a doubt that God’s plan was for me to go on this trip and I was determined I was going to go!
And I did…
My journey started with my husband dropping me off at the airport at 3:30 am and as I confidently walked into the building I talked to God. I remember saying to him, “well God, this is it, you have me now so YOU lead and I will follow.”
And he did.
Everything went smoothly and before I knew it I was sitting on my plane.
As the plane began to taxi down the runway I closed my eyes and continued to pray. As we lifted off I remember thinking ‘there’s no turning back now’ and as I opened my eyes to look out the window I saw that the sun was beginning to rise…
How could I see something so beautiful and not know that God was right there beside me?…Actually He was surrounding me at that moment showering me with his amazing love and beautiful gift.
He had told me from the moment he asked me to go, from the moment when I had said yes, and now as I was officially on my way he was telling me once again, that He truly had this whole trip under control. Everything was all going to go according to HIS plan, all I ever had to do was just say yes and and then just show up.
Our trip guide had a place inside to fill out while were were enroute. One of the things we were asked to do was to write a brief prayer to God telling him exaclty how I was feeling right then and ask him to show me what he wanted me to see. So while on my way to Houston to meet my group this is the small prayer that I wrote.
Father I am feeling a little nervous but also really, really excited. I wonder will I fit in with the group, will I be a useful part of all of this? Please open my eyes and heart to what you want me to see. Help me to boldly go where you lead me.
With all my Love,
To be continued…..