So close though I can’t see it I can still feel it lurking…
Standing by the edge of the room ready and waiting, ready to escort anyone through the door who may decide to walk through to the other side today…
As my eyes dart around the room they meet eyes looking back….everyone who is here whether they are sick or not are somehow in some way going through this together. My eyes meet eyes of fear looking out right next to eyes full of determination and bravery.
This place feels like poison to me with its concoction of poison medicines, hanging from IV poles, dripping into the blood streams of the sick, killing off everything in their bodies to get rid of the real poison.
The unspoken poison…
The C word…
That word is on the mind of everyone here today though nobody says it…
The unspoken yet common bond between everyone who is in this place today.
they all also have another common bond…
That word is Hope…
They all commonly hope.
Some hope for a cure and some just hope for one more day…
They all hope to get away from this disease that eats them inside.
Though it’s not me with this disease it still somehow eats at me today too.
I watch as the clear harmless looking medicine drips slowly from the bag into the arm of my friend as I think it seems ironic to me that something so poisonous is used to help someone get well. It poisons the cancer and along with it takes away her strength and makes her sick.
Father God, What is the purpose of all this? Today I feel as if I know nothing about anything anymore I feel so broken hearted inside for the people in this place and most of all for my friend because she has to go through this. I came as her guest today in the hopes of somehow helping yet I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that. Sometimes life just does not come with instructions so I today I try to feel my way through it, trying my best to follow the lead of you the one who knows best. I know that no matter how tough it is we can never give up on you. I know you already know the outcome and the reason for all this I just wish I knew too.
I realized today that this is my friend’s life right now, every 3 weeks she has to come here to this place as do the rest of these people.They all continue to live life no matter how hard it is. They all know that they have to come to this awful place in order to continue living this life.
I wonder how do they view this room? Do they see it as I do?
I know my friend doesn’t like being here yet she keeps her chin up and takes all they do to her so bravely. She knows this is what she has to do to keep this terrible disease at bay.
As for me I’m just the a person today who at times feels too much uncertainty.
Yet in my uncertainty I do see the reality that the only thing about this whole cancer thing that I am certain of is the fact that God is here.
As I look around I do see him. I realize that he may seem absent to some of those who are here yet those who do see him are clinging tightly to his life rope. When we first arrived here I met a lady who had no legs. Her legs were taken away by the cancer and yet she greeted everyone who came into the room with a smile, it was obvious who she clings to. Those people like her who choose to cling to him are the little bursts of light that are shining out in the darkness of this dreary place. They continue to shine on no matter what the outcome because they cling to the one who knows the outcome. They cling because they know He is the peace in this not so peaceful place. They know that He is the one who will bring end to their suffering. I am so thankful for the light of Jesus that’s shining over this dark and dreary place this morning.
You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your strong right hand upholds me securely. Psalm 63:1-8
Last May a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She is only 50 years old and her doctor told her there is no cure but that with chemotherapy they can prolong her life so she goes every 3 weeks. The chemo makes her very sick and she keeps having to have blood transfusions and fluids given to her intravenously almost weekly. She has hopes that the chemo will work and that she will have a long future and I am asking you all to help with that today by praying for her. She is a fighter and I know with God’s help she can do this. Thank you for reading my blog and also for your prayers.