So close though I can’t see it I can still feel it lurking…
Standing by the edge of the room ready and waiting, ready to escort anyone through the door who may decide to walk through to the other side today…
As my eyes dart around the room they meet eyes looking back….everyone who is here whether they are sick or not are somehow in some way going through this together. My eyes meet eyes of fear looking out right next to eyes full of determination and bravery.
This place feels like poison to me with its concoction of poison medicines, hanging from IV poles, dripping into the blood streams of the sick, killing off everything in their bodies to get rid of the real poison.
The unspoken poison…
The C word…
That word is on the mind of everyone here today though nobody says it…
The unspoken yet common bond between everyone who is in this place today.
they all also have another common bond…
That word is Hope…
They all commonly hope.
Some hope for a cure and some just hope for one more day…
They all hope to get away from this disease that eats them inside.
Though it’s not me with this disease it still somehow eats at me today too.
I watch as the clear harmless looking medicine drips slowly from the bag into the arm of my friend as I think it seems ironic to me that something so poisonous is used to help someone get well. It poisons the cancer and along with it takes away her strength and makes her sick.
Father God, What is the purpose of all this? Today I feel as if I know nothing about anything anymore I feel so broken hearted inside for the people in this place and most of all for my friend because she has to go through this. I came as her guest today in the hopes of somehow helping yet I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that. Sometimes life just does not come with instructions so I today I try to feel my way through it, trying my best to follow the lead of you the one who knows best. I know that no matter how tough it is we can never give up on you. I know you already know the outcome and the reason for all this I just wish I knew too.
I realized today that this is my friend’s life right now, every 3 weeks she has to come here to this place as do the rest of these people.They all continue to live life no matter how hard it is. They all know that they have to come to this awful place in order to continue living this life.
I wonder how do they view this room? Do they see it as I do?
I know my friend doesn’t like being here yet she keeps her chin up and takes all they do to her so bravely. She knows this is what she has to do to keep this terrible disease at bay.
As for me I’m just the a person today who at times feels too much uncertainty.
Yet in my uncertainty I do see the reality that the only thing about this whole cancer thing that I am certain of is the fact that God is here.
As I look around I do see him. I realize that he may seem absent to some of those who are here yet those who do see him are clinging tightly to his life rope. When we first arrived here I met a lady who had no legs. Her legs were taken away by the cancer and yet she greeted everyone who came into the room with a smile, it was obvious who she clings to. Those people like her who choose to cling to him are the little bursts of light that are shining out in the darkness of this dreary place. They continue to shine on no matter what the outcome because they cling to the one who knows the outcome. They cling because they know He is the peace in this not so peaceful place. They know that He is the one who will bring end to their suffering. I am so thankful for the light of Jesus that’s shining over this dark and dreary place this morning.
You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your strong right hand upholds me securely. Psalm 63:1-8
Last May a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She is only 50 years old and her doctor told her there is no cure but that with chemotherapy they can prolong her life so she goes every 3 weeks. The chemo makes her very sick and she keeps having to have blood transfusions and fluids given to her intravenously almost weekly. She has hopes that the chemo will work and that she will have a long future and I am asking you all to help with that today by praying for her. She is a fighter and I know with God’s help she can do this. Thank you for reading my blog and also for your prayers.
12 thoughts on “Clinging to Him as We look to the Light”
‘He is the peace in a not so peaceful place’ – Amen. Truly is a peace that surpasses our understanding.
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Yes he is 🙂 I am not sure how people make it without him. Thank you for your comment.
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There is peace, I’ve found that and was actually very angry when my Mum passed away wondering where God was in all the pain she suffered. She was a very gentle person..Maybe it was the pain I was going through also at the time, but I have since learned God was waiting for me to go to him..Your words are so gentle in describing the peace within.
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Thank you so much for sharing about your mum, it is very hard to watch someone we love go through pain and suffering. I am so glad you did finally see that God was there waiting and that you went to him. blessings to you
thank you and you are welcome
Prayers for your friend and you. A life prolonged…is it for quality or suffering. As a hospice nurse, I have witnessed both. As a Christian, I think of the scripture, “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.” Blessings to you both and anyone touched by this situation.
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Thank you so much for your prayers and also your encouraging words.
I will pray T for your friend to have God’s healing, either by the Chemo or Miraculously.
I may have shared about this with you before T, I have shared it on my Blog. I had suspected breast Cancer, the Doctor felt it was very advanced and she booked me into have the Mammogram and Ultra Sound on the Friday, it was almost a week to wait and having just lost my Sister Julie because of Bowel Cancer, I was a mess but on the Thursday I said to God; if this is how my life is going to end on earth than I’m ready to come to be with You and I than experienced the most wonderful Peace, I no longer felt frightened.
When the woman was doing the tests the next day, she was taking so long I asked what was wrong, she had a diagram from my Doctor showing where the lump was but she said she couldn’t find it, that was over 5 years ago and all my Mammograms have been clear since and I have had no more lumps and just like the other life threatening conditions I have been healed from, it never returned but I still suffer some pain and use God’s Balm with prayer for relief and if needed, tablets and I thank God for both these, all good things come from God not bad.
Christian Love Always – Anne.
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That is an amazing story Anne thank you for sharing it and I am also glad you are healed. Thank you for praying for my friend.
Thank you for your prayers and yes I was so thankful for those little bursts of light.
So very sad Terri. In some ways I’m glad I didn’t read this before as I would be in pieces, as two months after you writing this my beloved sister died of cancer. I liked the way you sumarised the feelings of this dreadful place. I felt the same. I too watched her ebb away in four weeks. As a believer she was very upbeat, I haven’t read the rest of your blog, as yet but I do hope your Freind is still with us. God bless.
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Hi Beverley, little did I know but 5 months after I wrote this post my dear friend would be going to be with Jesus. She passed away while I was on a mission trip in Haiti. Before I left for my trip I went and saw her knowing that it would most likely be the last time I saw her, she wanted me to still go on the trip, and she was prepared to go on her own trip. I watched her fight the disease with everything she had and she still praised God through it all. Though I miss her so much I know she is well now, healed and know I will see her again one day. Just as you will see your sister again one day and she is well now too. God bless you Beverley and thanks so much for your kind words and for reading my posts.