In November I told you about a project I was going to be a part of in which I and 14 other bloggers would be reading and blogging together through a new book called ‘Live Second: 365 Ways to make Jesus first’ by Doug Bender. This is the first of my 4 posts. You can also go to the I am second website and sign up to follow along as the other 14 bloggers and I journey through the book. You can also get the ‘Live Second‘ book in stores NOW.
Day 29 of My Live Second Journey: Release ~ I Have Nothing to Release…or Do I?
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ Matthew 18:32-33
This Week’s Live Second – 365 Ways to Make Jesus First focus is on relationships. The topic today is ‘Release’ based on scripture from Matthew 18:21-32. In the scripture it talks about forgiving others as God has forgiven me.
When I read today’s topic I honestly thought I did not have anything going on in my life as far as forgiving or releasing that I would be able to work on. As far as I knew I did not think I had anyone I that needed to forgive…plus I usually forgive others pretty easily, at least that is what I thought when I read it. Little did I know that in less than an hour I was going to have one of those days where God shows me I just might be wrong.
Shortly after I read today’s page of the book my husband said something to me that hurt my feelings. Before I go any further rest assured that I am not going to use this blog to slam my husband, the assignment is to write about how I am going to apply what I read today in my life. I will try to do the best I can without giving you all the unimportant details.
Within about 2 seconds of my husband’s hurtful comment I fired right back in a not so ‘WWJD’ type of fashion only to be met with a more hurtful statement than the first one.
Since the book reading was fresh in my mind I was a perfect angel and I was quick to apply what I had just read by forgiving him immediately and then apologizing for my own behavior… I wish I could say that statement was true but instead I fired right back at him in perfect ‘Terri’ form with things I am not so proud to say I said now and then I proceeded to carry the hurt and anger around for 3 days. Yes you read right day 2 took me 3 days to figure out how I was going to ‘release’.
Forgiveness is really hard when you have been hurt. Words can cut a person in half sometimes cutting clear to the bone exposing so deep you can almost feel them hit your soul. How can I forgive when I feel so torn and ripped apart? Especially when the person who did the hurting can not see they have caused a hurt so deep that I am still carrying it around? How do I forgive when I am so darn mad?!?
Yesterday I started to think about what I had read and I asked myself ‘was I treating my husband with the same sort of grace that God has given me?’ I then prayed “God please help me to forgive my husband. After praying I reluctantly decided to forgive him but then when I saw him before I could catch them the words “I forgive you for being an ass!” fell out of my mouth. My husband then said, “You forgive me for being an ass??” as he kinda laughed. I know what I did was not really what the author of this book had in mind and I am pretty sure it most definitely is not what God would want me to do. But in this instance it broke the ice… the ice on my frozen heart.
As he said the words “you forgive me” with a glimmer of humor in his eyes at that moment God convicted me of my behavior… Yes you read right, my own behavior. My husband had hurt my feelings but it was not until that moment that I realized that I was carrying around so much more anger at him than I even knew I was carrying. I am not sure why but I think I had been keeping a tally of every thing he had ever done or said to ‘hurt’ me. The problem with that is when we have arguments I go back to seeing those past things instead of focusing on what is going on right now at this moment. The minute I asked Jesus to be my savior and to forgive me of my sins the slate was wiped clean and now it was time for me to do the same.
A few minutes later found my self apologizing to my husband and the next thing I knew he said he was sorry to me also.
I know this will not apply in every circumstance and our issue was a minor compared to what others may be facing. But I do know that when we release that anger and live with the same type of forgiveness God gives to us it allows for wounds to begin to heal.
How will I live more second today? By trying to remember that the only way I can have peace in this life and be able to let the light of Jesus shine by giving the same grace to others that God has given to me by forgiving and then learning to truly release it.
Come visit tomorrow for Day 30: Love ~ Love Across the Miles.
Thank you for reading.