Yesterday it started again … same eye different issue.  A year and a half ago I had a Retinal Vein Occlusion which caused me serious vision loss in my right eye.  It was a time of great distress but yet learning and growth for me.  I was given a miracle from God, He healed my eye.  If you would like to read that story click here –> I Was Blind But Now I see.

A few weeks ago I saw a small circle of light in my vision field and just kinda let it go hoping it was nothing.  Over the past couple of weeks it has became more noticable and I realized I would not be able to ignore it any longer so yesterday I took a trip to the Retina Specialist.

Just walking into the Doctor’s office brought back a flood of memories of eye shots and how I used to be so frightened to be there.  God still gave me a sense of peace, even though I really did not want to go through all the eye stuff again. I walked in with confidence because  I could feel that he sent Jesus along on the visit with me.  I was so peaceful I even started thinking to myself that maybe I would get out of there feeling a bit silly and the doctor would be saying to me that there was nothing wrong with my eye.  But I was wrong.  She took one look in my eye and said “hmmm… I see it! This is amazing, I have never seen anything like this before, you have a ring of light around your vision field!”  She seemed very excited about her find.  Of course I was not quite as excited as her, especially since she said she had never seen anything like this before.  She sent me off for pictures of my eye and said she would be able to tell me what it was after she saw the pictures, all the while I felt my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach.  As I had the pictures taken I began to panic.  I also found myself praying a little “pity party” prayer to God, I said something like “really God?? Come on I don’t get it.  You healed me just to have more eye issues?  Why are you doing this to me? If you are going to do this then at least please give me peace to deal with this!”   I do know that God did not do anything to me.  I am not sure why, but it seems that when things are going really well I sometimes forget to thank Him, but as soon as something goes bad I tend to want to blame Him.  I do know I was wrong in my thinking and have since apologized.

After  the pictures were taken the Doctor returned to the room to talk to me. By then the peace was back because Jesus was still there in the room with me too. She told me that I have a totally different condition this time than I had before.  The two conditions are not related and chances of me having both of these eye issues is very slim.  She said I have a condition that is due to normal aging but for some reason my eyes are not doing what they are supposed to do normally.  The way I understand it is, I have some sort of gel pooling in my retina that was supposed to slide off and go away. But instead of sliding off  and going away it is pulling on the retina and causing the light ring I am seeing.  I was told that it can maybe go away on its own or may cause a hole in the retina if it keeps pulling and while I wait I will most likely start losing my vision again 😦  I  am supposed to go back to see her next month to see how it is progressing.  She said we will watch it for a maximum of six months.  It may fix itself but if it does not fix itself  in six months or if the retina tears before then she will have to do surgery. First eye shots and now possibly surgery?? Not on my list of things I want to do.

Even though it sounds bad the good thing about all this is it is fixable if the worst case scenerio does happen, but I am still praying for it to resolve itself and quickly with no surgery and no blindness.  I am not sure I am ready for blindness again.  I look back on my blindness before and how I did come to peace with it. I do see its purpose now and know that it really did work out for the best and a lot of good things happened because of it. With that said I still am not wanting to go through all that again.  My eyes are something that is hard for me for me to deal with.  Last time it made me stronger, when I say stronger I mean stronger because I learned to rely on God instead of myself.   I was a bit mad at him yesterday and asked Him “What is the purpose this time? ”    He answered me this morning.  I saw the beautiful Spring day blooming all around me as the sun was shining brightly, I came home and saw my husband and son’s faces, as the morning progressed His peace filled me. I know that His answer is to be patient, have faith, trust Him and I will eventually know the purpose.    Honestly I can not say that I like all this.  I did attend and probably will still be continuing to attend a few pity parties,  but I also do know it will be alright no matter what the outcome is. . I guess time will tell the end of this story…so I wait…

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible Matthew 19:26

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength Philippians 4:13