I Wait

Yesterday it started again … same eye different issue.  A year and a half ago I had a Retinal Vein Occlusion which caused me serious vision loss in my right eye.  It was a time of great distress but yet learning and growth for me.  I was given a miracle from God, He healed my eye.  If you would like to read that story click here –> I Was Blind But Now I see.

A few weeks ago I saw a small circle of light in my vision field and just kinda let it go hoping it was nothing.  Over the past couple of weeks it has became more noticable and I realized I would not be able to ignore it any longer so yesterday I took a trip to the Retina Specialist.

Just walking into the Doctor’s office brought back a flood of memories of eye shots and how I used to be so frightened to be there.  God still gave me a sense of peace, even though I really did not want to go through all the eye stuff again. I walked in with confidence because  I could feel that he sent Jesus along on the visit with me.  I was so peaceful I even started thinking to myself that maybe I would get out of there feeling a bit silly and the doctor would be saying to me that there was nothing wrong with my eye.  But I was wrong.  She took one look in my eye and said “hmmm… I see it! This is amazing, I have never seen anything like this before, you have a ring of light around your vision field!”  She seemed very excited about her find.  Of course I was not quite as excited as her, especially since she said she had never seen anything like this before.  She sent me off for pictures of my eye and said she would be able to tell me what it was after she saw the pictures, all the while I felt my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach.  As I had the pictures taken I began to panic.  I also found myself praying a little “pity party” prayer to God, I said something like “really God?? Come on I don’t get it.  You healed me just to have more eye issues?  Why are you doing this to me? If you are going to do this then at least please give me peace to deal with this!”   I do know that God did not do anything to me.  I am not sure why, but it seems that when things are going really well I sometimes forget to thank Him, but as soon as something goes bad I tend to want to blame Him.  I do know I was wrong in my thinking and have since apologized.

After  the pictures were taken the Doctor returned to the room to talk to me. By then the peace was back because Jesus was still there in the room with me too. She told me that I have a totally different condition this time than I had before.  The two conditions are not related and chances of me having both of these eye issues is very slim.  She said I have a condition that is due to normal aging but for some reason my eyes are not doing what they are supposed to do normally.  The way I understand it is, I have some sort of gel pooling in my retina that was supposed to slide off and go away. But instead of sliding off  and going away it is pulling on the retina and causing the light ring I am seeing.  I was told that it can maybe go away on its own or may cause a hole in the retina if it keeps pulling and while I wait I will most likely start losing my vision again 😦  I  am supposed to go back to see her next month to see how it is progressing.  She said we will watch it for a maximum of six months.  It may fix itself but if it does not fix itself  in six months or if the retina tears before then she will have to do surgery. First eye shots and now possibly surgery?? Not on my list of things I want to do.

Even though it sounds bad the good thing about all this is it is fixable if the worst case scenerio does happen, but I am still praying for it to resolve itself and quickly with no surgery and no blindness.  I am not sure I am ready for blindness again.  I look back on my blindness before and how I did come to peace with it. I do see its purpose now and know that it really did work out for the best and a lot of good things happened because of it. With that said I still am not wanting to go through all that again.  My eyes are something that is hard for me for me to deal with.  Last time it made me stronger, when I say stronger I mean stronger because I learned to rely on God instead of myself.   I was a bit mad at him yesterday and asked Him “What is the purpose this time? ”    He answered me this morning.  I saw the beautiful Spring day blooming all around me as the sun was shining brightly, I came home and saw my husband and son’s faces, as the morning progressed His peace filled me. I know that His answer is to be patient, have faith, trust Him and I will eventually know the purpose.    Honestly I can not say that I like all this.  I did attend and probably will still be continuing to attend a few pity parties,  but I also do know it will be alright no matter what the outcome is. . I guess time will tell the end of this story…so I wait…

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible Matthew 19:26

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength Philippians 4:13

4 thoughts on “I Wait

  1. Freedomborn says:

    Hi T, I’m really sorry for the problems you are experiencing with your eye and hope the opp will not be necessary. I had a fall last year and hit the right side of my face and the gel around the retina detached in that eye, I see fragments in my eye now and at times this makes my vision hazy and hard to focus but they told me I would get use to it and I have but at times it is annoying and I do have to watch it does not increase

    Another thing T you and I have in common and many others, is like you did before, I use to think it was God caused hardship and suffering which is what I had been taught of course it was sugar coated but it went deep.

    When I asked for God’s wisdom it was then that my eyes were opened, just as we wouldn’t want those we Love to suffer nor does God and the Scriptures confirm this ( see below ) but He is always with us through it and brings good from it. He wants us to come and talk to Him, to tell Him our problems, to let Him know we need His help and He doesn’t think we are feeling sorry for ourselves, He Loves us and cares for our welfare and wants to help.

    Lamentations 3: 33 For He doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.

    Isaiah 43:1-3 – Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour.”

    Jeremiah 29 :11-12 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

    Christian Love Anne.


    • T says:

      Wow we do have a lot in common. I am sorry you have to go though the eye stuff to0, Its very scary at times.But so good we have a Savior and a friend in Jesus 🙂 also hope you feel better soon I saw on another post you were sick. God bless you my friend 🙂


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