Eyes on Jesus and Another Music Monday

Hey there! It’s been a really long time since I’ve been here on the blog. In May my husband and I went on a cruise and we came home tossing around the idea of selling our home and moving into a home that we have been renting out since 2011.  We prayed about it and the next thing I knew we were caught iin a whirlwind of excitement. Our summer was spent cleaning up and restoring the home we were moving into and then moving. We have been in our new home for about 5 weeks now and we are just now about finished unpacking. YAY!

Anyway…I didn’t come here today to talk about the move, what I really came here for is to share a song with you.  -> Turn My Eyes by Bonray.

Yesterday in my pastor’s sermon he spoke about how different symbols or things bring back memories of things our lives. That got me thinking about a tiny blind spot that I have in my eye. Its been there for about 5 years now and I never really notice it too much, but during the times that I do notice I’m always reminded of the time that I lost my vision in that eye. It was a very frightening time for me and the only way I could have peace was to keep my eyes firmly on Jesus. I didn’t realize it at the time but now looking back I know that it was during that time I learned just how much Jesus loves me. He was with me every step of the way and I know now that he is here to stay. All I have to do is keep my eyes on him.

There is a whole lot more to the story and if you have been a reader of this blog for a while then you have heard the story before, so no need to repeat.  If you haven’t heard it then you can head to the archives and find it all there.

I hope you enjoyed the song and that you have a wonderful week.

Oh and one more thing before I go… Did you know that Jesus loves you and that if you are looking for peace all you have to do is call on him and he will give it to you?

It’s true.

Have a great week!

Terri Siebert

I Still See

Exactly one year ago today I was on vacation in Cancun and while there a macular hole formed in my left eye and the vision in the center of my eye was suddenly missing.  As I lay on a beach chair with my eyes closed tightly unable to open them frightened by what was happening, I heard God’s voice telling me to open my eyes.  So I did.  When I opened my eyes though some of my vision was missing I realized that I could still see a beautiful sight before me.

There was a storm brewing over the ocean and also a storm of fear brewing inside of me, but suddenly a feeling of peace began washing over me as I realized just how powerful God was and also that he was right there with me.

Today I am sharing what I wrote in my journal and also shared on my blog that day.

I STILL SEE by Terri Siebert (www.astorybyme.com)

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The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

20140829_124958Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

As I share that post one year later I have my vision fully back.  A few days after I wrote that post I was diagnosed by a Retina specialist with a macular hole.  Just a few short days after diagnoses I suddenly started seeing better and about a month later found out that the macular hole had ‘just went away.’

My doctor told me that macular holes don’t usually ‘go away’ all by themselves. I know that it was God who healed my eye.  I have to say this was one of those times that right in the middle of the storm, I knew without a doubt that everything was really going to be alright.

And it was. What a wonderful gift! Isn’t God awesome? 🙂

Have a wonderful day,

Terri Siebert

Disaster's Pass

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Retina scan September 3, 2014 – Vitreous gel pulling on my retina stretching it into a cone shape.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.~ Psalm 57:1

My friend Judy sent that scripture to me.  As is I sit here in the retina doctor’s office once again I cling to that promise.

I have been thinking about Paul lately.  Paul was the first person I ever studied in the bible.  I was new to the Bible then. I was also new to Bible study class and having my first eye problem that first time I read about him.  He went blind, I was going blind in one eye, he was healed and I was healed, talk about God and perfect timing that was the most perfect of perfect time ever for me to be learning about him.  During that study I remember reading that Paul had some sort of thorn in his flesh I have often wondered why God did not take it from him.

Lately I am beginning to feel like these eye issues and health problems could possibly be my thorn.  It seems like this past couple of years I have had more health problems than I’ve had over my whole life.

I am wondering why I can’t seem to be well of my eye issues. For over 3 years now I have had eye stuff of some sort going on.  I get well and then something new comes along and not only do new eye issues come along some of them seem to be things that are ongoing and require a whole lot of waiting. I think I may be learning to be patient….This latest eye thing has been going on for over a year.

Something that I have recently noticed is that every single time I have some sort of health issue it seems like I usually end up I growing much closer to God during it.  I also noticed that each time I also seem to come out stronger somehow than I was before. I realized as I sit here today what a huge learning opportunity this whole ordeal has been.  Also how brave I have become.

I used to be afraid of the eye doctors, I remember being afraid for them to just look in my eyes.  I feared they may touch my eye.  To me eyes seem squishy and fragile and I get so squeamish to really look at or even think about them to much.

When my kids were young I could handle any crises with my kids like a pro.  We went through a few broken bones and several stitches and I was actually very calm…. But if they got something in their eye I would freak out!  I am the mom who drove her child a 30 minute drive to the eye doctor to have the doctor remove a stuck contact lens from the bottom of her eyeball because I was to squeamish to even look in her eye!

Now days when I visit the eye doctor they eye drop my eyes with drops that sting and then numbing drops to make them numb before they poke me with dangerously sharp looking instruments, while temporarily blinding me with the bright lights.  I have had my eye washed out with soap and had 3 eye injections! As I write this I realize that I seem to be a pro at the eye doctor now because most of that stuff does not phase me anymore.

Question for myself…. If I am such a pro then why do I dread being here so bad today?

Answer…. Because even though I feel confident in God I still do not like all this stuff, and I can’t say that I think I ever will like it.

The truth is I am really afraid of the unknown in my future sometimes.  What other new, painful and scary things will I have to go through?  Often over the past year have thought of Paul and all the horrible stuff he went through.  Nothing I have been through even comes close to the stuff he went through and yet he kept on trusting God, believing in him and telling people how awesome he was.  Could it be that going through hard stuff is actually a good thing?

A lot of people have been praying that God will heal this.  A week ago I thought he did heal me, the flashing in my eye had stopped and I started seeing perfect and I claimed my miracle. Now here I am a week later, sitting in the doctor’s office again with more flashing in my eyes, and a circle of light around my vision.  I want so badly for all of this to end but oddly at the same time I feel thankful for all that it has taught me…rely on God and trust him no matter what… Though this is going on today i still hear his voice telling me that everything is going to be okay.

Today as I travel through this minor rain shower I know there are people who are in a full out storm… As I am writing this I pause and I look around this room. As I look around I realize the room is full of people going through a storm of some sort. Do they know they are not alone?

I wrote the above today as I sat in the retina doctor’s waiting room waiting for my doctor to come in and examine me.  Where I ended it is where I was at when she came in the room.

This next part is what happened after she came in……

After my eyes were dilated and scanned the doctor told me that I had healed!  She told me that the drug she ordered to release the vitreous gel from pulling on my retina was no longer needed and that the macular hole had shrank! She thinks the hole it is healing though she told me that it is very rare for a macular hole to heal by itself.  I told her that it did not heal by itself that God had healed it 😀  I go back in a month to see for sure if the hole has healed completely, though I know already it will.

As sit here tonight I realize just how quickly things can change in a matter of minutes.  As you are going through your life today remember everything here on earth is temporary but God is forever.  Trust him with your life because he gave you your life.  If you know him share him with everyone because someone shared him with you. Just as my doctor came in today I had wondered if the people in the room knew they were not alone, from this day forward I want to take the time to make sure everyone I meet knows that they are not alone.  If you are reading this and don’t know Jesus take the time to find out more about him I promise you will be glad you did. Here is a good link with some information -> Know God.  Or if you have questions about God leave me a comment, I will be glad to answer as best I can.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:1

healed

Retina, scan September 17, 2014 – Vitreous gel released, retina back to normal.

Pity Party Invite on Facebook

You all know I have this eye issue going on, well today I found out that my insurance company denied the treatment that would have hopefully kept me from having 2 eye surgeries.  The treatment only has a 50 percent chance of working but it will keep me from having to go through a surgery that could possibly cause me to be blind in my eye for 3 weeks to 4 months until some sort of gas bubble they will be putting in my eye dissolves and my eye fills back up with its own fluid (they will take out my own fluid).

As you saw in my last post I thought that the Vitreous gel had released off of my retina because the flashing had suddenly went away and also I could see better than I could in over a year and a half.  On Wednesday of last week a new flash started but I still can see really good, though I can see really good the flashing means the gel is still attached but some of it has released. If not for the insurance companies denial I would have had that injection this coming Wednesday.  As it stands now I have to make the decision to have the surgery or take a chance on my retina possibly detaching.

When I first found out this morning about all this I was furious, and still may be…How can the insurance company be allowed to play doctor when its MY eyesight at stake?  After I found out this news the first thing I did was call my insurance company and argue with them, then cry and even yell at them. I will admit I let them see the side of me I usually only reserve for my poor husband.  After that didn’t work I hurried up and sent my daughter a text telling her all about it.  She sympathized with me but seriously what did I think she could do to help the situation so of course my next course of action was to go to my phone and post this angry Facebook status…

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Of course you all know that was a great solution… Let me tell you I had a very large pity party this morning and I was inviting anyone and everyone who would want to join me. That would show those insurance company executives right??  After all I am sure they read my Facebook status every day and this mean comment with a lot of likes and comments that agreed would for sure make them rethink their decision~

I am sure you know by now I am just being sarcastic I know my insurance company does not see my Facebook statuses or my mean text about them to my daughter.  I did discover though that there is one person who did see my anger and frustration and also he saw my facebook post and that would be God…yep he saw it…  You know one time someone told me that in my Christian walk that before I did something I should think would I do this if God were sitting beside me?  Well guess what??… HE IS!  And sometimes he has this way of using other people to reel me in.  As soon as I posted right away I got a few likes… oh that made me feel good because people were agreeing and I even got an agreeable comment….But then the next comment shook me up.. “Don’t give up. Remember you have the Great Advocate working behind the scenes.”  I saw that comment on my phone just as I opened my curtains to a window that looks out over my back yard, my beautiful lovely green treed back yard with flowers blooming and sun shine streaming through it.  Right there in the middle of my anger I saw God is still working and I can see just fine still!  It made me feel ashamed because how did I manage to forget? … sheesh just last week I wrote a blog post about how I thought God had healed my eye.  Yes I have had new flashing since that post but I can still see great! Better than in over a year! Just the other day I told someone that I had claimed my miracle and I wasn’t going to give it back and now just because my insurance company denied a claim for a treatment I am acting like it’s the end of it all.

After I saw the beauty in my back yard, and comment on my Facebook status, I decided it was time to visit with God so I grabbed my Bible and went off for some quiet time with him.  As I was praying I felt led to open my Bible and when I did it opened to this page where for some reason a few things were underlined.  I am not sure why or when I underlined them but today what I realized is those words were the voice of God and I realized I could see it so clearly WITHOUT my glasses on in a Bible with writing so small I could not see it just a few short weeks ago.

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“I will be with you”

I went on to read the rest of the passage … Isaiah 43:2-3 When you pass through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire you will not be burned the flames will not set you ablaze, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel your Savior.”

Wow after words like that I have nothing else to say other than, “I know God’s got this and thank you!”

Have a blessed day,

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Eye Update!

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Since my last post “Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39” I have received many encouraging email messages and also comments on my blog.  I am just so humbled and amazed at the outpouring of love and prayers that have surrounded me in the past few days, from not only friends and family here beside me, but also from people who I have never met in person. The love I have felt touches me so deep inside that I feel my heart just may burst and I want to say thank you to each and every one of you  <3

I went to the Retina specialist Wednesday and the news was that I have a stage 1 macular hole caused by the vitreous gel in my eye pulling on my retina. My doctor has ordered a drug called Jetrea that will be injected in my eye to hopefully dissolve the vitreous gel so that it will quit pulling on my retina. The Jetrea has a 50 percent chance of working. If it does not work then I will have to have eye surgery to remove the vitreous gel. I may have to surgery to fix the macular hole also depending on how it looks once the gel is not pulling on it anymore. For now I am supposed to be watching for anything new that happens in my eye such as floaters or new flashes of light because while the gel pulling on my retina it can make the hole bigger or possibly cause my retina to detach.

I wrote the above 2 nights ago night but did not get a chance to publish it and this is what happened since I wrote that……

When I got up yesterday morning my eye was very light sensitive and blurry.  I went to work where I spent most my morning on the computer. Some time during the late morning I realized that did not seem to be having as much trouble seeing and thought I was just getting used to my eye issue.  When I finished at work as I was going to town and I noticed once again that I seemed to be seeing much better but I still thought it was because I was just getting used to it.

As exited the interstate I realized that the flashes of light that I have seen for almost a year were gone! I also noticed that feeling of looking through cellophane in my eye was gone too!  I sat in a parking lot for 15 minutes moving my eyes all different directions to see if I could see the flash or the cellophane and no matter how I moved them I was right it had stopped! Those flashes in my sight have been very obvious every time I would move my eyes or blink but now they were gone. The feeling of seeing through cellophane started when the hole appeared but it was gone gone gone too! The only thing that I seem to have wrong is a small dot of vision right in the center of my eye is missing. 2 days ago the whole center of every word was blocked but now it is only a small dot on the center letter of each word and it is not very noticeable at all with both of my eyes open.  I am pretty sure that the dot of missing space is the macular hole but I truly think the vitreous gel has finally pulled off.

I called my retina doctor with this news and she did not seem to be impressed or believe me and she said she will see me in 2 weeks unless I have new flashes or floaters.  I am not a doctor but I really do think the gel pulled off and if that is what happened I will not have to have the Jetrea injection to make it dissolve. I noticed today that I am seeing much better than I have in over a year!

Anyway… that is the news I have so far and I hope I am right.  If I am not right at least something has happened that my vision seems to be improved, so either way the prayers are working and if my eye is really healing (and I am sure it is) this will be the 3rd miracle that God has given me on my eyes, you would think that by now when I tell my doctor I think I am better she would believe me 😀 I will let you know in 2 weeks what she says, Maybe the hole will heal too 😀

I also want to say something about prayer….When this first happened while I was laying there on that beach praying God immediately wrapped his arms around me and gave me such peace that I can never begin to explain it here.  That peace he gave me has held strong through it all and is still here.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I have no idea how many people have been praying for me I put a post on Facebook and have told everyone I know.  I used to be so uncomfortable to ask people to pray for me, but I have realized now how can can people know to pray for us if we do not ask? I could feel those prayers so much and I know that every  single one of those prayers were heard by God. He is answering them not only in the healing I have seen but I truly think it has even more to do with how much confidence I feel in him no matter what the outcome turns out to be.   Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 

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this photo is not mine and it came from Christine Cain’s facebook post.

Thank you for reading and once again for your prayers,

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Related posts:

I Was Blind But Now I See

I Wait

My Good News

What’s The Plan?

Spider Webs

Broken Glass

My Miracle

Lightening Flashes

Through the Fog and the Debris

Eye Issues Today

I Still See

Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39