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Two days ago I almost had a catastrophe.  I had just finished my shower and as I stepped one leg out of the bathtub suddenly my hip on that leg popped loudly and a stabbing pain shot through my body,  At the same time my leg gave out seeming to just fall out from under me, sending me tumbling out of the shower.  My body slammed against the cabinet and somehow I managed to tumble across the room but yet stay in and upright position until I fell against the bathroom door with one of my hands landing perfectly on the doorknob. Thankfully I was able to latch on to the doorknob and keep myself from hitting the floor.

I remember just standing there frozen in shock realizing how bad hitting the floor could have been.

It seems like all I have done for the past month is try to keep myself in an upright position.  That is because for about a month now physically I have not been doing so good.  It started with an allergic reaction to a malaria drug I took for a trip to Haiti. During the reaction not only did I break out in itchy hives everywhere, but my joints all became severely inflamed.  Gradually over the past 3 weeks most of my joints have settled back down to their normal morning achiness but my hips have gotten worse and have become very stiff.  My left hip is extremely painful and keeps locking up.

Also this past year I keep having Episcleritis flare-ups in my eyes. This makes my eyes red and they feel as if I have eyes full of sand.  I have been dealing with this on and off all year and the past couple of months it seems like I have had it a few days out of every week.

This month has been very painful for me physically.  I really don’t like telling people my problems but the truth is…  My hip hurts, my eyes hurt, my knees are bone on bone from arthritis and walking is getting harder for me each day.  Lately I have had to work really hard to convince myself to get out of bed in the mornings.  I go to work where it is even painful at times to just sit. When I am at home I lay around on the couch all the time or I just go to bed. I am not much of a TV watcher but I think over this past month I have watched every Hallmark and Lifetime movie ever made! I have read a ton of books to the point I am also tired of reading.  Plus sometimes by evening my eyes are so irritated I just want to sit with them closed.

Even though a lot of the time lately I feel as if I am struggling I still am trying my best to keep my eyes on Jesus, and trying to look towards the good stuff. Even though I am trying hard to keep my eyes on the good stuff some days I feel like I may have hit my breaking point and lately its feeling that way more and more often.

I really am not sure what the next step is going to lead… my Rheumatologist gave me some pretty rotten news a couple of weeks ago which is just too much for me to write here at the moment and as of last week she has now referred me back to an orthopedist. I feel like I am bouncing from doctor to doctor to test to test. We have a diagnosis for some of it but still nobody can seem to help me. The biggest thing I wish is that someone could do something about this pain. It’s really starting to exhaust me.

This weeks Music Monday song is “Broken Hallelujah” by The Afters

Sorry if I seemed to be a downer today, I really do not mean to be that way.  I think maybe it just time for me to go ahead tell people how I feel because at this point I really could use a few prayers.

Also even though this is exhausting right now I am still going to keep looking up and thanking God for what is good, because through all of this there really is still so much that is good and so much to be thankful for.

I am not ever going to give up on looking up.

As for you if you are going though a rough time, try to remember whatever you are going through, Jesus knows how you feel and He really does care about you and love you so much.  Don’t give up and keep looking up!

Terri Siebert

 

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15 thoughts on “Music Monday ~ My Broken Hallelujah

  1. Terri, I don’t think I have been getting your posts. I will lift up prayers on your behalf. How are your compassion kids? I loved the sweet little video of my little girl, Paula. In fact I think I will go there today to watch it again. There is a prayer group on fb that I am involved in it is called Dedicated Prayer Warriors, I will share a prayer request there for you. May we all walk in peace and the strength of our Lord as we each go through our individual trials.. (:

    • Thank you so much! My Compassion Kids are doing good, and in September I was able to visit my Ericka and her father in El Salvador. It was so amazing getting to huge them both and just spend the day getting to know them. I still haven’t been able to pull the words together to write about it because it was so amazing no words really explain it. How is Paula doing? I love that they have the videos now that is really cool! Thanks so much for praying and for having me added to your group, the prayers are much appreciated. God bless you and have a wonderful Christmas!

  2. T, It is ok to share your pain now I know how to pray for you, and will! Abba hear our cries for our sister she is in pain she needs to touch the hem of Your garment and be healed. As You our Father pass by heal our sister for your glory as we begin to praise and thank You for who You are, the God of Healing! In the name of God the Father, God the Son Jesus, and God the Holy Spirit, Amen.

  3. Thank you for sharing with us T Love is all about being there for others which you always are, so now it’s our turn to support you.

    This month has not been good for me either with tooth problems and Arthritic pain in my feet but both you and Bj have had it much worse and I rejoice that you both keep focusing on God instead of giving into despair, not meaning you have to be Happy Clappy about the pain but you are both Thankful God is with you helping you endure.

    I’m not sure if I have mentioned Bilberry to you before it has made a big difference to my eyes although if needed I still use drops as I have dry eyes but it has given me a lot of relief, before I was finding it very hard to read Post messages, you get it from the Chemist.

    Keeping you in Prayer T- Christian Love – Anne.

    • I am sorry you have had a hard month Anne. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for suggesting the Bilberry. I will look into that and see it it is available here. Praying for you too!

  4. Terri ~ your story of chronic pain rolled back a period of time when my own body was bedridden with chronic back pain. The advice I was given at that time was one word ” surrender”. That word did not make sense to me at that time and I found great difficulty in connecting the word with my condition. Looking back I now I fully understand what that meant. That time (for me) was really a blessing in disguise – It slowed me down and forced me into a place of solitude and reflection. I have learned there are three relationships we must nurture – the inward (Joshua), the outward (James) and the upward (Jesus). Surrender to these relationships in your time of solitude and reflection. In prayer for you and thank you for sharing. Amen :Y

    • Thank you so much for your thoughts, they are good ones and I do believe you are right. I am finding out that I think it was time for me to slow down a bit and spend more time doing those things. Thanks 🙂

  5. You have been in my prayers since last we talked. I pray you will get relief from your pain. I’m sorry you are going through this rough time. Keep on looking up!! And continue to share your troubles so we can pray for specific healing.

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